Moms cannot enjoy family life without learning to manage their out of control emotions. These 10 tips will help you get things under control.
Moms, Jesus, and our out of control emotions
Yes, even Christian moms struggle with their emotional control.
But did you know that there is a REASON you are struggling? In fact, there are many reasons why we struggle with these out of control emotions.
And the best part is – you can do something about it.
Today, we’ll take a look at 10 reasons why your emotions are out of control. What’s going on? Do these feelings even make sense?
Dive in with me to be reminded that you are not alone. And as you learn more about your out of control emotions, you’ll find encouragement and help for managing emotions well.
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Why does it matter if your emotions are out of control?
Emotions are a natural part of life. And really, the emotions themselves are not the big problem.
It’s how we manage them.
And here at Love Your People Well, we talk about emotions a lot. Not because it’s always fun… often, it isn’t fun at all! It can be frustrating and overwhelming. (Just like the emotions themselves.)
But we talk about emotions a lot because how you manage your emotions is a key piece of enjoying family life.
You simply cannot enjoy Christian family life if you cannot manage your emotions. Without emotional control, your relationships will struggle and your own mental health will struggle.
In my experience as a counselor, pastor’s wife, and as a mom myself, it is a 4-step process to truly dive in and enjoy Christian family life.
- Faith – We all need to stand on a firm foundation of who we are in Christ.
- Emotions – We all need to learn how to manage hard emotions.
- Communication – We all need to practice clear communication skills.
- Relationships – With these skills in place, we can more easily deepen our marriage and parenting relationships… and ENJOY them.
So, let’s look deeper at why these out of control emotions are happening.
10 reasons why you're dealing with out of control emotions
Like most lists, this is not a completely exhaustive list. There are some reasons why Christian moms struggle with their emotions that are not listed here.
This is a list of the 10 reasons that I see happening most often, that make it difficult to manage hard emotions.
You might not find that every reason on the list connects for you personally. That’s okay! But hopefully, this list of 10 reasons why you’re dealing with out of control emotions will help your own emotional struggles make more sense.
We live in a broken world. People sin against us… and that can trigger some big emotions!
But also, sin lives inside of us. We are jealous, selfish, prideful, petty… and we have big emotions connected to these sins.
Jesus offers the solution to our sin issue. He offers himself! When you’re struggling with sin and you see it impacting your emotions, turn to Jesus. Confess your sin to him. Cry out to him when other people’s sin hurts you. Let him comfort, guide, and strengthen you.
2. Poor physical habits
Your physical body is closely connected with your emotions. And when you aren’t treating your body well, you are much more likely to struggle against out of control emotions!
What are some of these physical habits?
- sleep… are you getting enough?
- food… are you eating healthy foods?
- exercise… are you moving around every day?
- time outside… are you getting the Vitamin D boost from sunlight?
Sugar, caffeine, lack of sleep, sitting all day – these physical things have a big impact on your emotions.
What does this mean for you? Well, if you’re struggling to manage some out of control emotions, take a look at how you’re treating your body. Cut back on the sugar or go to bed 20 minutes earlier, and see if it makes a difference.
You’re a Christian mom. You get it.
Hormones are no fun, but they are real! There are 4 classic times in every woman’s life when her hormones trigger out of control emotions:
- postpartum, and
No matter what age you are, your hormones are impacting you. And this impacts each of us differently. (Yes, I know women who never deal with PMS… I wish I was one of them!)
If this is a big factor for you, it might be worth meeting with a doctor or nutritionist. But at a minimum, know that this is a factor in your emotional control, and try to be aware of monthly or seasonal changes in your hormones.
4. Too busy and stressed
You’ve probably noticed the connection between stress and emotional outbursts. But have you done anything about it?
We live in a culture that believes more is better. Bigger is better. You might have people in your life that want you to say “yes” to everything or who put unrealistic expectations on you.
You need to do something about it!
Will more self care help? Yes. (And you can grab my FREE 51 Self Care Ideas list right here.)
But you’ll probably find a bigger impact by changing your schedule all together. Take some things off the calendar. Ask for help around the house. Work on the issues that are stressing you out – they are different for each of us!
And you might also find my Stress Relief Workbook helpful if you’re really trying to work through this issue.
5. Relationship distress
When your relationships are struggling, your emotions will be impacted.
How could they not be impacted?
You’ll get stressed, frustrated, upset, and angry when you’re dealing with conflict in your marriage. And when your child is mad at you, it’s likely that you’ll feel sad, confused, guilty, or angry yourself.
Just like we cannot deepen our relationships until we learn to manage our emotions, we cannot pretend our relationships are not impacting our emotions.
Your relationship distress impacts your out of control emotions, so if you improve things there, it might get easier to manage your own emotional self control.
6. Lack of emotional regulation skills
Sometimes, those out of control emotions are just a skill issue.
It would be nice if our emotions were simple and easy to manage. If you could simply decide not to be angry anymore, and that would be enough.
But emotions aren’t easy. They can be helpful, meaningful, and they are a natural part of life – but they aren’t easy!
So, work on the skills that help you manage your most common emotional struggles.
7. Don’t feel a sense of purpose
Ouch. This one hurts.
But it’s true. If you don’t feel a sense of purpose, your emotions will get out of control. You might not feel very motivated to handle your emotions differently.
You’re likely to experience more frustration, anger, sadness, or other hard emotions, if you don’t feel a sense of purpose.
Mom life is hard. The Christian faith is hard. Jesus calls us to walk the narrow path, sacrifice for others, and rejoice in every situation. This is difficult to do!
If you’re struggling here, spend time talking to God about it. You could use my Finding Your Identity in Christ devotional workbook, or use my free Christian journaling prompts to think through your purpose in your family life.
8. Lack of intimacy with God
When you are in a spiritually dry season, your emotions start to get harder to manage.
God is always with you, whether you’re feeling close to him or not. He is faithful even when you have skipped your Bible time or forgotten to pray for a few weeks.
But there will be some natural fallout from that, and you won’t feel as intimate and close with God.
Have you thought lately about the fruit of the Spirit? It’s listed in Galatians 5:22-23. Emotional control is a big part of that list: peace, patience, self-control. If you are feeling disconnected from God, you might struggle with these things.
Even though it might not feel like the thing you want to do, get back into the Word. Spend time with God, spend time in prayer, and see how that impacts your emotional control
9. Your thought life
This is a huge reason for out of control emotions!
The #1 thing that will help you manage your emotions is to control your thought life. Think about something different. Stop dwelling on the negative, the “what ifs” or the sense of injustice. Start thinking about what you’re thankful for, how you could try something new, or the character of God.
This works because your thought life has such a big impact on your out of control emotions.
Usually, if you’re struggling with an emotion, you’re thinking about it a lot.
- Feeling anxious? You’re probably thinking again and again about all the things that might go wrong.
- Are you feeling sad? You might be thinking too much about things that make you sad.
- Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed or burned out. It’s likely that you’re thinking thoughts like “this is too much” or maybe “I can’t handle this.”
Your thoughts matter! Stop the negative, focus on things that help you feel better, and see how your emotions respond.
10. Listening to the cultural message put individual preferences above anything else
Are you putting your own needs, preferences, desires, and plans ahead of everything else?
This will make it really hard to manage your emotions.
Of course, this is a natural thing for us. We want what we want, when we want it! And our culture says that is normal, good, and healthy.
It might be normal, but it is not good or healthy.
Jesus tells us very clearly that we are to lay down our lives for others (1 John), obey God instead of following our deceitful hearts (John 15), and show humility in our relationships (Philippians 2).
Which means, if you’re trying to make your own plans and preferences happen, you aren’t living out what Jesus is calling you to. We can never truly feel a sense of peace and joy if we’re living that way!
Often, the biggest game-changer here is to spend more time with God. Read the Bible, pray regularly, and ask him to give you wisdom. This will help you manage those out of control emotions so much better.
Listen to Episode #130
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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.