Having more fun in marriage can boost your marriage intimacy, so try these tips from a Christian marriage counselor and happily married pastor’s wife!
Do you have fun in marriage together?
I hope the answer is an all-capital-letters YES!
But for most of us, there are seasons in our marriage that are a bit more dry.
Seasons where we wish that we felt more connected. When intimacy is lacking. Sometimes, seasons when we’re bored, distant, or just out of step with each other.
No matter what season your Christian marriage is in today, I know that you WANT to have more fun together.
We all want to enjoy our marriage! Having fun makes life a lot more enjoyable.
So today, I’ll share a few of the most important marriage counseling tips that I help couples with all the time.. so that you can start having a bit more FUN in the bedroom with your hubby today!
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Why having fun in marriage matters
As we’re tackling the topic of how to have more fun in marriage, we have to start with a good foundation.
Why does it even matter?
Because the simple truth is, if you want to enjoy your Christian marriage and be close with your husband, marriage intimacy matters. Enjoying that part of your marriage matters. It is important in a healthy and happy marriage.
But your marriage intimacy also matters beyond just the relationship between you and your husband.
Marriage intimacy matters to God
Throughout the Bible, God describes himself and his people as a marriage relationship.
The Church is the “Bride” of Christ. In fact, in Revelation, we see that at the end of time, when all believers are united with Christ, this is described as a wedding feast!
Even in the Old Testament, God is the husband or bridegroom and his people (Israel) are meant to have a close, intimate relationship with Him.
This metaphor popular throughout the Bible. But we also see in the Bible that the physical intimacy between a husband and wife matters to God too!
- An entire book (Song of Solomon, sometimes called Song of Songs) is in the Bible about the romantic love between a husband and a wife.
- In 1 Corinthians 7, husbands and wives are clearly told not to withhold sex from each other “except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer” (v. 5). It matters.
- Right at the beginning of Creation, God brings husband and wife together (Adam and Eve) and tells them to be fruitful and multiply. There is only one biological way for that to happen…
Your Christian marriage is a witness to the world
One thing that God wants for your marriage is for it to be a witness to the world.
Ephesians 5 paints a picture of how husbands and wives, by the way they treat each other, are showing people the nature of God.
So, how does having FUN in marriage connect to this?
Well, one of the biggest reasons that people are not interested in Christ is that they don’t see His people having any fun! They look at how Christians live and think it’s all about rules, laws, and ignoring what you want or enjoy.
But that isn’t true at all.
God wants his people to have fun! He created our bodies to enjoy physical intimacy, and right at the start of Creation He said it is not good for man to be alone. He created marriage for our enjoyment and pleasure.
Plus, let’s not forget this important truth: the closest people that your marriage is witnessing to are your own children.
What do you want them to believe about marriage? Do you want them to set a high standard for their future marriage and who they choose to marry? Show them a marriage filled with fun and intimacy, and you are setting them up for their own marital success.
When you think about why it matters to have FUN In your marriage, stand on the foundation that it is honoring and glorifying to God.
Are you ready to actually have more fun in marriage?
In all honesty, one of the biggest reasons why you might be struggling to have fun in your Christian marriage is inside your own head.
Your mindset has a lot to do with if you are (or are not) having fun!
Marriage intimacy requires a lot from a wife. And if your mindset or perspective is not in the best place, you’re going to struggle to enjoy intimacy with your husband no matter what activities or experiences you are sharing together.
Your mindset is going to impact your marriage intimacy in many ways.
- Are you expecting the best from your husband… or waiting for him to disappoint you again?
- Might you be hung up on some body image issues for yourself?
- Is conflict a source of stress in your marriage?
- Are you struggling to be vulnerable, honest, and trust your husband?
The dynamics of your relationship are going to have a lot to say about if you can have fun in marriage together.
But you can take control of your mindset.
Ways to take control of your mindset so you can have more fun in marriage
- Daydream about your husband during the day, so you’re looking forward to intimacy together at night.
- Notice all the great and wonderful things about your husband (and bite your tongue on the complaints).
- Make sure that you’re taking your thoughts captive to Christ and not letting your thought life distract or discourage you in the bedroom.
- Trust God with what your body looks like and replace any negative thoughts about your body with thoughts about what you enjoy instead.
Your mindset VS your marriage communication
It is much more difficult to think positive thoughts and have a positive mindset if your husband is saying hurtful things to you.
So let’s address that now, since it has a huge impact on having FUN in marriage!
Of course, you already knew that! But even if your husband isn’t working on communication, you can. Because you get to control how you think about things. You can do things to hold onto a godly, helpful, positive mindset, no matter what your husband is (or isn’t) doing.
- Work on fighting fair and choosing forgiveness.
- Grab my free Conflict Resolution Checklist and try the 10 steps.
- Replace any passive aggressive communication with clarity.
Figure out what you each like... and enjoy it together.
This last piece of the puzzle is where the rubber meats the road, as they say.
If you want to start having more fun in marriage… figure out what you like, and then do it!
Yes, since we’re talking about marriage intimacy, this especially points to figuring out what you like in the bedroom. Talk to your husband about the best parts of your intimacy, and then practice some fun things together.
Most likely, there have been moments in your marriage that you really enjoyed. Well, how can you re-create that experience? Go to the place, repeat the activity, try it again.
When you talk about it, make that conversation fun. Plan a date night, wear an attractive outfit, come prepared with compliments. Highlight the things you love and enjoy, and the conversation will be more more successful… and enjoyable.
But beyond just talking about it, try doing some things or activities that you think might be enjoyable. It’s okay to try something and have it not be your favorite thing, because this is usually how couples figure out what they most enjoy together.
Of course, never try things that make someone uncomfortable, feel unsafe, or that are outside of God’s good boundaries for sex and marriage. God has created our bodies and our relationships, and He knows the good and right bounds for intimacy. Don’t try things that the world says are fun but that God says are unwise or off-limits!
You can have fun in marriage by experimenting with a new activity, having a new conversation, or returning to some tried-and-true classics. The important thing is to enjoy the experience together with your husband.
Have fun outside the bedroom, too
Yes, today we’re talking about how to have fun in marriage intimacy. When you’re behind closed doors together, having a private moment with your husband, you want it to be as on fire and fun as possible!
But, of course, it’s not just about what happens in the bedroom.
If you want to have more fun in marriage, have fun whenever and wherever possible.
The more that you’re having fun together in the kitchen, the living room, the car, or anywhere else – the more likely it is that you will have fun together in the bedroom.
Ready to have more fun in marriage?
At the end of the day, there is no magic wand or simple 4-step process that will guarantee you’re having fun in marriage.
It will help to focus on the WHY of having fun:
- you’ll enjoy Christian family life more overall
- it honors God and brings him glory
With that in mind, hopefully it will be easier to focus your thoughts and attention on the wonderful, enjoyable, great things about your marriage! Focus on the good and you’ll have a lot more fun.
We all know, if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. The same is true here. If you’re not really wiling to have fun… because you’re too angry, too depressed, too frustrated, too busy… you probably won’t have much fun in marriage no matter what you do.
And then comes the obvious part. Start having fun together! Do things together. Try new things and revisit past favorites. Pay attention to your likes and dislikes, and be willing to talk about them.
Get out there and have some FUN, my friend!
Listen to Episode #145
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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.