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Episode 98 // How to talk about your sex life with your husband.. the good, the bad, and the awkward

What are we talking about today?

How often do you and your hubby talk about your sex life? If you’re like most couples… not very often! 

But I know that you want a great, fun, meaningful intimate relationship with your husband.

You want your Christian marriage to defy the odds and grow closer and happier over time… which means your sex life will be growing and strengthening too. 

In the counseling room, most couples are very uncomfortable talking about their sex life. That’s understandable! But there are some things that can help these conversations go well, and even improve things in your marriage. 

And that’s what we’re looking at today.

Ready to strengthen this part of your Christian marriage?

Let’s dive in.

Listen to Episode 98:

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More resources for you!

If today’s topic is meaningful to you, these resources will give some additional support:

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Today's Episode Highlights

If you want to enjoy the physical part of your marriage, you can’t take it for granted. You can’t let it just float along over the years and assume “it’s fine” or “it’ll get better” or … perhaps the worst of all… “it’s not that big of a deal.”

My friend, your marriage matters. 

It matters to you, of course. And your family. But it also matters to God!

And sex is an important part of a healthy, happy, and holy marriage. But for that to be a fun and enjoyable part of your marriage, you probably have to talk about it more than you are today.

Why we avoid talking about it

  • Well… it’s awkward!
  • We don’t know what to say. What words should we use? What do we talk about?
  • It feels like a taboo topic that we shouldn’t discuss.
  • Because we look to our husband as the leader of our family, we wait for him to start the conversation.
  • We don’t always know what we even want… so how can we talk about it?
  • We’re tired.
  • It’s just not a priority for us, so we don’t even get around to having the discussion.

Why we should talk about it

  • Sex is a critical part of a healthy, happy, and holy marriage, and we should talk about the things that are important to us.
  • It’s very easy to get stuck in a rut in marriage… but we don’t want to! Talking keeps things changing and fresh.
  • Conversation, especially about hard things, keeps us growing closer together in our marriage. It helps us know each other better.
  • Having these conversations increases the likelihood you’ll enjoy your physical intimacy more and more.
  • Talking about sex regularly makes it less awkward to talk about the next time…
  • …. and can be a turn on in and of itself!

If you’re struggling to enjoy the physical part of your marriage, make sure to check out the online courses from the “Christian Sex Lady” – Sheila Wray Gregoire. She’s funny, real, and very practical! 

Have the T-A-L-K

To get started talking about your sex life with your husband, you’ll find the TALK acronyms helpful.

T – Trust.

You won’t feel comfortable talking about sex if you don’t trust each other. Work on this in your marriage as a whole! Strengthen your connection and your bond. But also, establish trust within the physical part of your marriage. Don’t talk about your sex life with outside parties. Have clear boundaries with the opposite sex. Respect each other when you are being intimate.

If you’d like to improve communication overall, grab my 40 Day Devotional on Communication in Marriage.

A – Accentuate the positive.

As you talk about things, focus heavily on what you enjoy! What is already positive about your sex life? Make a big deal about what your husband does that you like, why you find him sexy, and so on. If you want something to happen more, make him feel like a rock star about that thing!

L – Learn.

These types of talks are not just about what you like, want, or need. He has opinions and preferences too! Make sure you are trying to learn about your husband. You can work on this in the bedroom, during a regular day, and of course during the sex talk conversations themselves. Figure out what he likes or wants… and then do that. Figure out how he best receives feedback, respect, and encouragement. Make sure he knows you are seeking to learn more and more about him.

K – Keep focused.

It can be helpful to make this an intentional conversation, separate from others. This is not the time to talk about the budget or an upcoming appointment. It’s okay if your sex talk is brief, but you want it to be consistent and focused. 

Want more encouragement on this topic?

Check out these other episodes for more biblical encouragement and practical tips on this topic:

  • Episode 64 // 9 hot tips to make sure your marriage has amazing intimacy in the bedroom
  • Episode 41 // Want to strengthen your marriage? Protect, grow, and help your marriage with this counseling activity I use as a marriage therapist.
  • Episode 46 // 12 tips to spice up your marriage… building intimacy OUTSIDE of the bedroom. 

And don’t forget to grab a resource or two that will help you build and strengthen your Christian marriage!

Friday Faith Follow-up

God designed marriage for our good. He wants us to enjoy our marriage relationship and to bring him glory and honor as we love each other. But what about these seasons where it just feels blah? When you’re tired, stuck in a rut, and just not in the mood to put much effort in? The gospel has hope for that.

So in this short episode, let’s look at 5 gospel truths that will encourage and help your Christian marriage in the “blah” seasons of married life.

Hey, before you go!

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Hugs & blessings to you, my friend! I’ll talk to you soon.

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A reminder of the Disclaimers & Disclosures Policy: I am an affiliate with many of the resources I recommend, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through my provided links. I never recommend products I don’t love! Also, I am a licensed therapist but this podcast is not therapy. It is not professional or personal advice to your specific situation. Get info about professional counseling here.