Explore the key elements of how a wise woman builds her home, and build a godly, joyful Christian home with Proverbs 14:1.
How are you building your home?
Over the past 10 weeks, we have dug deep into Proverbs 14:1. Today, we are wrapping up our series with an Ultimate Guide! How does a wise woman build her home? How are you building your home?
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it apart with her own hands.
Proverbs 14:1 (NLT)
No one wants to be this foolish woman. Yet, if you are not intentional about your home life and family relationships, it is easy to slip into bad habits. Well, not today friend. We are all about wisdom here.
This is your ultimate guide to being a wise woman who builds up her home! Grab a cup of tea (and maybe a notebook and pen) and let’s chat together about wisdom, family life, and how to build a godly and joyful home.
[This post may contain affiliate links. If a purchase is made, I may receive a small commission at no extra charge to you.]
It is scary to think about how easy it is to live foolishly. And the stakes are high. Your home won’t simply run along without you. It will fall apart. In fact, by living foolishly, you will tear it apart.
Scary stuff!
But let me remind you of an important truth before we jump in. God’s grace is sufficient for you.
You are not a perfect mom. Neither am I. None of us are! We are not perfect wives, moms, homemakers, or Christians. There are plenty of times when we all fall short of our goals in motherhood, marriage, and building our homes.
But by God’s grace, we press on. We move forward. Even if it happens inch by inch, we grow in wisdom and we bless our families as we work to build our homes.
What is wisdom?
Below, we will look at key elements of how a wise woman builds her home. But first, it is worth asking ourselves… what is wisdom?
There are plenty of Scriptures that help us understand wisdom. I want to focus on just one: Ephesians 5:15-17.
These verses tell us that we need to be careful how we live, so that we are “wise, making the most of every opportunity.” Yes, family life is tiring and busy, but we really do want to make the most of every opportunity!
And the verses continue: “Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
This, my friend, is a great, simple picture of biblical wisdom. Wisdom is understanding the Lord’s will. (And then, of course, doing it!)
The Lord’s will is that you love him, seek his Kingdom and his righteousness, and that you love your husband, children, and family well. You can look to Matthew 5, Titus 2, 1 John, and so many other Bible passages to see this outlined more fully.
As we dive into our Ultimate Guide today, this is the wisdom we are seeking. What is the Lord’s will for our homes? Our families? How do we make the most of every opportunity?
Let’s find out.
And make sure to pin this post so you can come back for encouragement again!
3 key areas of Christian family life
Everything that we have looked at during this series breaks down into 3 key areas of how a wise woman builds her home.
We will look at our internal character, family interactions, and individual actions. In each area, you’ll find links to a full blog post and podcast episode on each topic.
Plus, at the bottom of this post, you’ll find a summary list of each key element, a link to that blogpost, and a link to the matching podcast episode. There is plenty of depth and wisdom here for you!
FIRST: INTERNAL CHARACTER
Who are you? What kind of person are you? How would you describe yourself? What is your deepest, truest identity?
These are huge questions!
And the first area that you must be intentional about as you build up your godly and joyful home life is this. You must focus on your internal character.
As you consider what a wise woman’s internal character looks like, there is so much that can be said. But we are looking specifically at the Christian family and the home you are trying to build up.
So here are 3 key pieces of the wise woman’s internal character.
It is really easy to get stuck on autopilot and just keep doing what you’re doing. The chores get done, meals get eaten, and everyone goes to bed to start over again the next day.
Not for the wise woman!
While it might be easy to just go with the flow, do what is easiest, and allow autopilot to take over, this is also foolish
A wise woman builds her home by being intentional. She asks questions that spark creativity, purpose, and insight. Plus, she’s reading the Bible to gain wisdom and direction from God himself!
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Consider 4 key questions as you listen on Apple Podcasts to Episode #115.
- Think through 4 key Scriptures on Apple Podcasts in Episode #115.5 (Friday Faith Follow-up).
- Read the blog instead of listening to the podcast, for 4 key questions + Scriptures to guide you.
- Grab my FREE Christian Journaling Prompts to help you think through these key questions and Scriptures
DIVE DEEPER: 4 Daily Habits You Need As A Christian Mom To Hold Onto A Godly Mindset
Family life has its frustrations and disappointments. Faith has dry seasons that raise doubts and struggles. And through those hard days, it is easy to lose perspective on what truly matters and why.
Easy… and foolish.
Instead, a wise woman is intentional about her habits and routines so that she can hold onto a godly mindset through the good and the rough days.
When you think about a “right perspective,” this means holding firm to the truth that everything you’re doing in your home for your family matters. These people matter. You matter! Your marriage, your kids, how you parent, who you are… it matters.
As you seek God’s Kingdom and his righteousness, He will give you what you need and get you through the hard days. He cares about you and your family.
A wise woman builds daily habits and routines that reinforce a godly mindset. While a foolish woman lets her feelings lead her, a wise woman is purposeful about holding onto a right perspective. (You can read more about some specific habits that I find helpful right here.)
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Listen on Apple Podcasts to Episode #116 for 4 daily habits that help
- Listen on Apple Podcasts to Episode #116.5 (Friday Faith Follow-up) for a devotional in Psalm 90 on a godly mindset
- Read the blog for 4 daily habits that help maintain a right perspective.
If you want to be a foolish woman tearing down her home, this is an easy place to start. Just grumble. Complain. Let the negativity win.
But that does not sound like a great way to enjoy Christian family life.
Instead, a wise woman builds her home by choosing to keep a positive attitude. It’s not always easy! There will be plenty of little (and big) frustrations and struggles along the way. Probably every day.
On those days, a positive attitude is a choice. And it has a HUGE impact on your home. Your attitude will influence your words, tone of voice, patience, schedule, thoughts, and so much more.
A wise woman chooses to keep a positive attitude, and enjoys the blessing it brings to her home life and her family. On the other hand, a foolish woman takes the easy way out and lets herself grumble and complain… tearing down her family and her home in the process.
And if you’re struggling with this, make sure to read my 6 real-life tips for keeping that positive attitude.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Listen on Apple Podcasts to Episode #117 for 6 real-life tips that help.
- Listen on Apple Podcasts to Episode #117.5 (Friday Faith Follow-up) for 3 examples of how Jesus kept a positive attitude in really hard situations.
- Read the blog for 6 tips that will help you keep a positive attitude on the hard days of family life.
SECOND: INTERACTIONS IN YOUR HOME
How do you interact with your family? This has a TON to do with the type of home you are building!
Even a wise woman cannot control how her family members are interacting… but every woman will strongly influence how the whole family is interacting.
If you want a joyful, comfortable, safe, godly home, the family interactions are critical. You cannot enjoy Christian family life if you are not interacting well with your people.
Let’s look at 4 ways that a wise woman must interact with her family if she is going to build a godly and joyful home.
4. Be willing to apologize and forgive
Let’s start with the hard stuff: a wise woman builds her home with apologies and forgiveness.
Every family will struggle sometimes with conflict, hurt feelings, miscommunication, or other hurts and pains. Will you avoid conflict and let bitterness build up?
It’s tempting to brush things under the rug! And a foolish woman will do just that. But without apologies and forgiveness, the foolish woman is building a home of bitterness and anger, where people walk on eggshells and can only enjoy shallow relationships.
No, thank you.
A wise woman is humble. When she admits that she has done something wrong, she is inviting the Holy Spirit to bring grace and healing into the home.
Apologies and forgiveness are not easy, but they are exactly what healthy, happy, and holy family relationship need.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Practical tips for apologies and forgiveness: Listen to Episode #118 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- Take a deeper look at the connection between humility and wisdom: Listen to Episode #118.5 on Apple Podcasts, or, you can read the blog here.
We started with the hard stuff, so now let’s look everyone’s favorite part of Christian family life: having fun together!
The whole goal of my ministry, Love Your People Well, is to help moms ENJOY Christian family life by building healthy, happy, and holy family relationships. So somewhere along the way, you have to have some fun with your people!
And this is exactly what a wise woman does as she builds her home.
Get that quality time. Prioritize face-to-face moments. Find ways to laugh together, build memories together, and enjoy one another.
Yes, your schedule is probably busy. And every family has some squabbles and conflict. But it is the foolish woman who lets things things fill her time… and while she deals with the un-fun things of family life, her home falls apart around her.
In the middle of the chaos and the busyness, don’t you want to enjoy each other? Prioritize that! A wise woman makes it happen, and builds up her home life in the process.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- 5 simple tips for getting more quality time as a family: Listen to Episode #119 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- 25 free ideas for family fun activities at home: Listen to Episode #119.5 on Apple Podcasts, or, you can read the blog here.
DIVE DEEPER: The Key To A Happy Christian Home: Speaking Encouraging Words For Your Family
Words are so powerful.
The words that we hear in our homes have a direct impact on our sense of confidence and identity. They determine how safe we feel at home and shape how we think about the world. Words can bring comfort or pain, encouragement or anger.
In fact, I think it is fair to say that one of the biggest things that a wise woman does to build her home is use her words well.
When you use your words to build others up according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29), to give a gentle answer and turn away wrath (Proverbs 15:1), and to show compassion, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12), you are building up a godly and joyful home.
My friend, nothing will tear down your home faster than harsh words, angry words, thoughtless words… and even the silent lack of encouraging, compassionate, kind words.
As a counselor, I hear the stories of pain and confusion that come directly from how words have been used in their homes. We are all shaped by the words that we hear from our loved ones… for good or for bad.
A foolish woman might not pay much attention to these things. She might give up on training her tongue, speaking encouragement, or controlling her anger.
But a wise woman builds her home with words of encouragement.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- 6 helpful Scriptures to guide you in using your words well: Listen to Episode #120 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- See how quickly your words can tear down your home: Listen to Episode #120.5 on Apple Podcasts, or, you can read the blog here.
- Find helpful resources on Communication or resources on Emotions.
7. Protect from daily distractions so that you can give your family focused, positive attention.
How often are you giving your husband and your children undivided, positive attention? Do you realize how powerfully important it is?
In the middle of busy days and distracted thoughts, it is easy to miss opportunities to do this. To show our people that we not only feel love for them, but that we want to listen, understand, and care for them.
A foolish woman gives in to the distractions. In fact, she might not even notice the distractions! But a wise woman protects her mind and heart from distractions, so that she can really pay attention to the people who matter.
It might be your toddler who wants you to “watch me, mom!” for the thousandth time today. Or your husband who needs to talk through a hard day after the kids are in bed. Yes, your phone has fun apps and your stress levels might be through the roof… so what? Your people need you.
Distractions are easy. Giving focused, positive attention might not be. But it will have a huge impact on your family relationships.
Of course, you cannot pour from an empty cup. If you are exhausted, burned out, and struggling, you won’t be able to give that positive attention to your loved ones!
So the wise woman makes sure that she is also being filled up through her personal quiet time with the Lord.
The Lord delights to spend time with you, encourage you, fill you up, and lead you in the busy days of motherhood. He is always ready to listen and respond. And if you aren’t feeling very connected with God lately, there are plenty of helpful resources on my Faith Resources page.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Look at 5 common distractions and 5 ways to stop them: Listen to Episode #121 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- Enjoy a devotional on building intimacy with God before focusing on your family: Listen to Episode #121.5 on Apple Podcasts, or, you can read the blog here.
THIRD: INDIVIDUAL ACTIONS
We’ve looked at some really important elements of how a wise woman builds her home. (And there is a quick cheat-sheet list at the bottom of this post!)
But it’s also important to consider two action steps that every wise mom needs to take, no matter what is going in her family or home life.
These last two pieces of the puzzle are critical.
Yes, you want to build a godly internal character that helps you get through hard days with wisdom and grace. And of course, you need to be intentional with how you interact with your family. Both of these are a requirement for a wise woman building up her home!
And as we close, we’ll look at 2 individual actions that you need to be doing regularly (probably every day) if you want to build a godly and joyful home.
8. Problem-solve when things in your home are getting off track
Christian families are not immune to problems! They come up every day. You might not know when they’ll pop up or exactly what will be going wrong, but you can be confident that at some point, there will be a problem that needs solving.
So if you want to enjoy family life and build up your home well, you need to find a way to solve those common problems that come up.
Yes, even when life is busy. Even when you might feel overwhelmed or discouraged.
Problem-solving skills are a key part of mom life, so that you can keep things running smoothly and protect the relationships that are so important to you. (You can find my 5-step problem solving process here.)
When you’re feeling discouraged or distracted, that is a good clue that you should pull out your problem-solving skills. Or if family dynamics are changing (perhaps more conflict), things feel stuck in a rut, or an individual family member is struggling.
Anytime things start to feel off track, a wise woman will continue to build her home by dealing with that problem. She will get things back on track.
What would a foolish woman do? Well, she might not even notice there is a problem in the first place. Or she might avoid dealing with it until she finally has to (and by then, it’s huge). She might grumble and pout that no one else is dealing with the problem so why must she.
If you want to build a godly and joyful home, pay attention to what’s going on and problem-solve when necessary, to keep things on track.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Walk through the 5 step problem-solving process: Listen to Episode #122 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- Get 6 ideas for small things you can do every day to build up your family: Listen to Episode #122.5 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- Grab my free e-book Building Your Mom Toolbox to get deeper, personal support in the problem-solving process.
9. Pray for your marriage, children, family, and home... regularly.
DIVE DEEPER: 10 Powerful Ways A Christian Mom Can Create A Pattern Of Prayer For Her Home And Family
Perhaps I saved the best for last. At least, I definitely saved the most important and powerful thing for last!
Prayer is so important for the wise woman building her home! It is so important for each of us. Pray for your husband and your marriage. Your children and the family dynamics. Pray for your home, your neighborhood, your spiritual growth.
Pray for all of it!
In fact, if you want to be a wise woman building up her home, you have to start with the very basic issue of becoming wise. How do you get wisdom? And you can do this very easily: through prayer.
James 1:5 is clear that when we want wisdom, we simply need to ask God for it and He will give it freely.
So, I have to ask you… are you praying?
DIVE DEEPER: 5 Great Scriptures To Pray For Your Family
Many of us feel stuck at times in our prayer life. It might feel dry or unimportant. You might wonder what to pray for.
It is often less about the specifics of what you say or don’t say, and more about the consistency of your prayer time, and the people and things that you are praying over.
If you’re feeling a little stuck in how to pray, let me offer a few quick resources:
- You can pray these 5 Scriptures anytime and all the time for your people.
- This prayer template is a great jumping off point to make sure you’re covering what you want to as you pray.
- My free Holy Habits 45-Day Bible and Prayer challenge has a great prayer guide to keep you focused and build a habit of prayer.
Even when she doesn’t feel like it, a wise woman will pray for the people who are most important to her. On the long, hard days, she will pray. When things feel easy, she will pray. As she builds her home, she will pray.
(And I think we all know what the foolish woman is doing… or rather, not doing. What happens then? Her lack of prayer ultimately tears down her home.)
Wondering how a wise woman builds her home? She starts, and ends, with prayer.
Want to go deeper into this topic?
- Get 10 ideas for how to create a pattern of prayer for your family: Listen to Episode #123 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
- Pray through 5 great Scriptures for your family: Listen to Episode #123.5 on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the blog here.
A wise woman builds her home
When I told my husband that I was doing a series on Proverbs 14:1, he said “Whoa, that’s a lot on one verse. Must be awesome.”
He’s right – it has been awesome!
I know that motherhood is not easy. Marriage is hard work. Christian family life is so important, but can be totally overwhelming.
Yet, it is all so meaningful. And I know that you want to enjoy every minute of it! As you build up your home, consider these 9 key elements of how you are building it up. Be intentional with your internal character, family interactions, and your individual actions.
You’ll find a cheat-sheet below with a link to each blogpost and podcast episode in the series. And I hope you will share this with a friend, so she can be encouraged with you!
My friend, I have so enjoyed our deep dive into this verse. May we each grow more and more into wise women building godly and joyful homes!
Listen to Episode #124
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Cheat-sheet links for the full Proverbs 14:1 series
Here are links to the full series! Many are blogposts + podcast episodes, but some of the earlier Friday Faith Follow-up episodes are only on the podcast. I hope you will enjoy, share, and grow.
- Want To Enjoy Home Life With Your Christian Family? Be The Wise Woman In Proverbs 14:1.
- Taking A Break, Changing My Perspective, And Finding Joy In My Home Life Thanks To Proverbs 14:1.
- 4 Key Questions Every Christian Mom Must Answer In Order To Build Great Family Relationships
- Bible Verses To Lead Your Christian Family Into Great Family Relationships
- 4 Daily Habits You Need As A Christian Mom To Hold Onto A Godly Mindset
- The Daily Habit of Loving God Well… Keep A Right Perspective With This Devotional In Psalm 90
- Keeping A Positive Attitude As A (Busy, Tired, Struggling) Christian Mom: 6 Real-Life Tips To Help
- Find Encouragement In 3 Biblical Examples Of Jesus Keeping A Positive Attitude In Really Difficult Situations
- How To Apologize, Forgive, And Restore Healthy Family Relationships: The Ins And Outs Of Christian Forgiveness In Your Home
- What is Christian forgiveness? The Connection Between Humility, Wisdom, And Admitting When You’re Wrong
- Having FUN With Your Christian Family! How To Get Quality Family Time Even When Life Is Busy
- 25 Free Ideas For Family Fun Activities At Home, With Toddlers, Teens, Or Anyone In Between
- The Key To A Happy Christian Home: Speaking Encouraging Words For Your Family
- 10 Ways To Tear Down Your Christian Family Using Only Your Words… It’s True, Your Words Matter.
- How To Crush The Top 5 Distractions That Are Stealing Your Attention Away From Your Christian Family
- Are You Enjoying Intimacy With God Before You Try To Build Intimacy With Your Christian Family?
- How To Solve Common Family Problems That Pop Up In Christian Family Life, So You Can Protect The Happy Home Life That You Love
- 6 Small Things You Can Do TODAY As A Christian Mom To Build Healthy Family Relationships
- 10 Powerful Ways A Christian Mom Can Create A Pattern Of Prayer For Her Home And Family
- 5 Great Scriptures To Pray For Your Family
And as they say... sharing is caring!
Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.
