Learn how to make a huge impact in your Christian family as you set aside distractions and give focused positive attention to your people everyday.
Are you paying attention?
How often are you giving your husband and your children undivided, positive attention?
I know. The days are busy. Our world is noisy and distracting. But this is exactly why your positive attention is so powerful!
If you want to encourage and bless your family, you need to pay attention to them.
That might sound simple, but it is easy to miss key opportunities to show your people that you care about them. Listening well and giving them focused, positive attention shows them that. It makes a big impact.
So today, we’ll take a look at two important areas:
- 5 common things in our normal everyday lives that are stealing your attention away from your family. And,
- 5 easy action steps you can take to get your attention back, and give it to the people who matter the most.
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How does positive attention impact my family?
Everyone wants to feel loved. To feel valued, cared for, and noticed. And this should be MOST true in our own homes!
And the best way to give this love to your family is to give them positive attention.
Your positive attention will have a huge impact in your family. It will soothe emotions, build self-confidence, and create a place of safety for them. They will trust their place in the world as they trust your love for them.
What is positive attention?
We live in a distracting and busy world. And this is why your positive attention is so powerful! It can break through the chaos and comfort your family’s hearts.
But what is positive attention?
You can pay attention to your family by noticing them and engaging with them. You’re listening, responding, and interacting. But that could be positive or negative!
Positive attention is noticing the good and focusing on it. You are not distracted, but are paying attention to that person. You are giving a compliment, listening well, offering encouragement, and avoiding complaint or consequences.
When you think about giving your family positive attention, it will include big moments and small moments. In fact, it is often the small moments of everyday life where positive attention has the biggest impact.
You can show your people that they truly are important and valuable to you by how you pay attention to them. Is it positive or negative? In fact… is it happening at all, or are you too distracted?
Busyness will steal your positive attention
I have no doubt that you have twelve things on your mind right now, at a minimum. You’re trying to fold laundry, monitor the kids’ squabbles, skim through this blog on your phone, and plan out what’s for dinner.
So many things need to happen for family life to run smoothly!
Many of these things are good. They are uplifting, fun, and important. But they are rarely as important as showing focused positive attention to your family.
As you consider the thousands of things on your regular to-do list and the demands on your mental, physical, and emotional energy… how are those things impacting your family relationships?
5 normal things that are stealing your attention away from your family
Let’s start with the things STEALING your attention! Because they are definitely there, in your normal, every day life. These are the things you want to watch out for.
1. Your phone is stealing your attention
Your phone can be useful, but it is also very distracting. In fact, smartphones are created very purposefully – to grab our attention and keep it! And this is especially true of the apps on our phone.
I am confident that you do NOT believe your phone is more important than your child or your marriage. But who do you spend more time talking to? Who gets more eye contact from you?
2. Work is stealing your attention
Whether you work outside of the home, work from home, or focus solely on the work of the home, WORK is a part of the human experience. It’s not a bad thing – but it does take a lot of attention.
Whether you are physically doing work (at home or out of the home) or you are distracted by thinking about work, this is impacting your family relationships. Get the work done, the chores done, the tasks done… but not at the expense of quality family time and conversation.
RELATED: Why I Think The Hope Planner Is The Best Christian Planner
3. Stress and worry are stealing attention from your family
Stress and worry can sometimes help you prioritize well. It can help you focus. But these are very distracting emotions! If you are stressed and worried, you’ll find it hard to really focus on and pay attention to your family.
Plus, these emotions make positive attention difficult – because you are not feeling very positive yourself! You are more likely to notice and focus on the negative. You have to be careful of this when you’re dealing with stress and worry.
NEED HELP WITH THIS? Grab my Stress Relief Workbook for Christian Moms!
4. Busyness is stealing attention away from your family
I don’t need to grab coffee with you and chat to know that you are busy. It’s normal. But here’s the thing: people are always more important than tasks. Your busy schedule can distract you, stress you out, steal your mental focus, and make it hard to actually spend time with your family.
How will you give positive attention to your family if you’re too busy to see them, get quality time with them, and slow down to engage with them?
5. Heavy emotions steal attention away from your family
Anger. Impatience. Hopelessness. Frustration. Discouragement.
These are hard emotions. They are heavy and painful. And unfortunately, they are a common part of life. Emotions can be tough! And these emotions make it hard to stay positive and hard to focus on the people in front of us.
RELATED: 10 Reasons Why Moms Struggle With Out Of Control Emotions
12 ways to give your family more positive attention every day
I hope that it doesn’t feel too discouraging right now to think through these 5 everyday things that might be stealing your attention away from your family!
The main problem is, these things are very normal in everyday life. Most of us are busy. Emotions can always pop up and distract us. Our phones are with us all day long.
But there are things you can do that will stop these distractions and help you refocus. Let’s give that focused, positive attention to the people who matter the most.
1. Put your phone down.
Technology will steal your attention so quickly! Just say no. Put it down. Put it away. You could use “do not disturb” but the big thing here is to look at your husband/kids instead of looking at your phone.
2. Slow down and look at them.
When you are busy doing something (cooking dinner, reading this blogpost…) and someone comes to you with a question or wanting attention – give it to them! Pause the task, slow down, and give them your eyes and your attention.
3. Use your words to show your family that you hear them
Okay, my friend. This might be my FAVORITE tip. It is one that I practice all the time in the counseling room when I’m sitting down with a couple or a parent and child who are working on their relationship!
Show your family that you truly hear them, you really are listening, by trying this tip: Repeat back or paraphrase what THEY said before you share your own thought, opinion, or suggestion.
This is such a powerful thing. It helps them feel heard, and it focuses you on listening instead of preparing your own speech.
4. Initiate conversation and ask questions.
Ask specific questions! You can do the generic “How was school today?” but you will be giving really great positive attention to ask them “How was that math test today?” – it’s more specific. Plus, when you initiate those check-ins, you show that you are thinking about them and pursuing the relationship.
5. Pray for your family members out loud, while you are with them
I hope that you pray regularly for your husband, children, and family. Prayer is so important and so powerful! And praying out loud for the people you love is a powerful way to show them you care. It is so intimate and encouragement.
If this feels awkward, start during your regular mealtime prayers. This is a natural time to add a quick sentence like, “And God, thank you for Johnny, Susie, and Tim. They are such a blessing to me.” You can build on it from there.
6. Schedule their favorite activities into the family schedule.
Make time not just to be with your family, but also to do the things THEY want to do. Sit and play lego’s with your kids. Plan a date night that your husband will be excited about. Notice their preferences, and make sure you are a part of that with them.
7. Don’t let them walk past you without noticing them in some way.
Even if there’s not a question or a conversation going on, you can show positive attention by noticing someone’s presence near you. This is especially powerful when they are leaving the home or just coming home! Notice them and say hello, give a kiss, or offer a quick check-in.
8. No tech at the table.
Table time should be family time. Of course, you may not eat every meal as a family sitting together and enjoying quality time. But when that can happen, make it happen! Put away phones, television, computers… focus on each other.
9. Invite them to do things with you.
Everyone likes to be invited! So when you need to run errands or do an activity, think about who you can invite to join you. Even if they say no, the invitation shows that you are thinking about them and want to spend time with them.
10. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
This is straight from Scripture – James 1:19. Listening to people shows them that you care. And the reality is, you can’t listen while you are talking! Moms have a lot to say and need to offer wisdom and direction… but it’s your listening ear that shows love and attention.
RELATED: How To Solve Your 3 Biggest Marriage Communication Problems
11. Give attention with your body (hugs, etc).
Sometimes, moms get “touched out.” With our young kids or with our husbands, there is sometimes so much physical touch going on that we can get tired of it! But physical touch is an important part of showing love. So give a hug, hold hands, rub their shoulders, give a high-five, or tussle their hair as they walk past you.
12. Talk about things that matter.
Social media and many friendships prioritize surface-level conversations. So a great way to show positive attention is to go deeper! Talk about goals, dreams, challenges, and ideas. In fact, listen to the wisdom of Colossians 3:17 and “let the message of Christ dwell among you richly” – talk about spiritual things together!
How will positive attention change my family relationships?
Sometimes, there can be a gap between what we know and believe… and how the other person experiences that.
You love your family. They are your most important people! But when you’re busy (or they are busy) and perhaps distracted (or they are distracted) it’s easy to miss opportunities to show that love.
Positive attention can fix that!
It will be helpful to avoid the distractions that we looked at above – and also, to be intentional about showing positive attention whenever you have the chance.
Small moments can have a big impact.
Listen to Episode #229
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