6 Foundations For A Happy Christian Marriage

My top Christian marriage tips as a therapist, to help you build intimacy and connection even through a hard season.

Christian marriage tips that actually help

Marriage takes work. We want it to be fun and easy all the time… but past the honeymoon stage, life gets a little more real.

In real life, there are hard seasons. That’s true for all of family life – including your Christian marriage.

As a marriage counselor, I’ve helped a lot of couples. From pre-marital bliss to raising kids to the empty nester years… it is possible in every season to have a happy Christian marriage.

And it’s even possible for the hard seasons. When your family is struggling, you’re stuck in conflict, or the marriage is taking a lot of work – you can actually BOOST your marriage bond. You can build intimacy in these seasons! You can connect and grow.

Today, I want to share 6 foundational pieces of every happy Christian marriage. They might feel easier during some seasons of life, but they are always worth working on. These Christian marriage tips will strengthen your home, your marriage, and your family.

Let’s dive in.

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Why I love these marriage tips, as a Christian counselor

One of my favorite things as a counselor is getting to be a part of people reconnecting.

Discovering something new about each other. Having a conversation in a different way. Fixing a problem or solving a conflict. It’s great to see this happen!

And while these 6 foundational tips below are not a magic wand that will make everything easy, they will make things BETTER. These tips will help your marriage.

But as we just in, let me make sure we’re clear a few things… counselor style 🙂

This might feel awkward. Making changes in your marriage always feels a little weird. But when things aren’t quite right, that is a good thing! It’s worth it.
Nothing is perfect. Even in the happiest marriage, things are never perfect. And there are two of you in the marriage, so you can’t control everything anyway.
Pray first and practice often. These aren’t magic wands. And not every tip is a big problem area for every couple. Pray for your marriage and let the Lord lead you in trying new things.

I like seeing couples experience positive change, and I like action steps that actually work.

These Christian marriage tips make a difference.

Let’s jump into these foundational pieces of a happy Christian marriage, and I’ll share some resources for you along the way.

Tip 1: Be intentional with prayer.

Everything in our life is better when we cover it in prayer. As Christian wives, we want to be praying on our own, and hopefully praying also with our husbands. During the hard and the happy seasons, keep praying.

Ask God to help in your own heart, to be working in your husband’s life, and to be leading your marriage toward unity, intimacy, and biblical joy. Some Scripture to pray through might include:

Ephesians 5
1 Corinthians 13, and
Colossians 3.

GO DEEPER: Build your own habit of Bible reading and prayer time with my FREE Holy Habits 45-Day Bible and Prayer Guide.

Tip 2: Focus on building (or re-building) a friendship.

Hopefully, you spent time on this while you were dating! Then, married life, parent life, work life… well, they make us busy. They distract us. And it’s easy for the friendship of our marriage to start to slip.

Do you really know each other? Do you talk about your lives, or just the family chore chart and the budget? Yes, talk about those things – but not at the expense of really getting to know each other!

This is a great time to plan some date nights, or check out these Love Maps Questions and use them to start getting to know each other again.

Tip 3: Work on strengthening your communication patterns.

I can’t imagine a marriage that communicates perfectly all the time. Every couple struggles at time.

In my marriage, I’ve struggled to learn to be vulnerable. To talk about hard emotions even when I’ll cry or get upset. But strengthening that has brought a lot of intimacy and connection in my marriage.

This is such an important area, I want to share 6 specific tips for strengthening marriage communication.

In every marriage, these 6 communication tips will help – on the good days and the hard days!

Give more compliments and encouragement. This boosts a positive attitude in the home.
Bite your tongue on the criticism and complaints, even if they aren’t about him directly. This creates a negative feeling in the home.
Make eye contact and smile when you’re talking. You don’t have to fake it, but if you try to smile after a minute or two it will feel more natural.
Put down technology when you’re talking. You can’t connect with your social media feed and your husband at the same time.
Apologize more often… even if you’re both at fault. You can’t worry about what he’s doing. Apologies and forgiveness is really between you and Jesus.
Be honest and vulnerable, even when that feels hard. Emotional conversations build connection, as long as you can manage your conflict or anger. (This free conflict resolution cheat sheet will help.)

Tip 4: Cut back on busyness, so you have more emotional energy for your marriage.

This tip might be a surprise! But more and more as a marriage counselor, I see busyness, technology, and exhaustion impacting Christian marriages.

Like everything, start by paying attention to your current habits. How much are you on your phone? Out of the house? How often do you feel distracted? Exhausted? Too busy to plan a date night, relax for intimacy, or have a real conversation?

In a happy Christian marriage, you want to be emotionally and mentally present, not just physically present. Start finding hobbies to do together. Try the tips above for communication, building a friendship, and praying more regularly.

Tip 5: Be physically intimate more often.

God has created us so that physical intimacy can create and increase emotional connection. This happens through the hormones released when we are intimate, but also through the spiritual union that God has created between husband and wife.

Staying consistent with physical intimacy will be a great protective factor to help your marriage during hard seasons. You don’t have to feel in the mood to start flirting, complimenting, thinking positively about your husband, and building your own desire for intimacy.

This doesn’t only mean lock-the-bedroom-door intimacy. It includes hand holding, arm rubbing, snuggling, and so much more.

Of course, marriage intimacy can be tricky in even the best marriages. If you need Christian-specific help with boosting intimacy, I recommend these online courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire. They could be a great blessing for you and your marriage.

Tip 6: Live out the “one another” commands from the Bible.

When we think about marriage in the Bible, we can quickly zoom in on the husband and wife roles that are described especially in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3.

Those biblical roles are good and meaningful, but that is not the only thing Scripture says about how we should treat each other in marriage! If you want a happy, healthy, and holy Christian marriage, treat each other the way God tells you to treat everyone.

Wondering what these “one another” commands might include? These are only a few:

“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3)
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34)
“Do not lie to each other” (Colossians 3:9)
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Within marriage, we not only honor God when we treat each other this way – we also create a home environment where our children feel safe, we feel loved, and our marriages grow stronger and stronger.

How to use these Christian marriage tips in real life

Which tips jumped out to you? For most of us, we notice what we’re already strong in and what we’re really worried or upset about.

When you’re in a hard season, or feeling discouraged by tips like these, make sure to jump back to that foundational Christian marriage tip #1… the most Christian of them all: PRAY about this!

Pray for your marriage. Pray over these tips and resources to see what might be a good next step for you.

And never think you’re in it alone, friend. I’m a marriage counselor for a reason – lots of people struggle, and lots of people need help. You’re not the only one. You might feel alone in it, but God is with you.

Even all by yourself, you can make positive changes in your marriage.

Don’t wait for things to get worse. Don’t wait for it to feel convenient or like it’s finally the right time. Just jump in and try something to help. Every small change will jumpstart other changes.

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Build connection in your marriage with this marriage communication devotional for wives:

Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.