12 tips to spice up your marriage… building intimacy OUTSIDE of the bedroom // Episode 46

What are we talking about today?

Intimacy is about so much more than what happens in the bedroom.

I’ve been a marriage counselor for over 10 years now, and have seen the power of emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy… in addition to, of course, physical intimacy!

So let’s spice things up in our marriage today, shall we?

We’re diving into 12 tips for building intimacy with your husband – outside of the bedroom. Tips that will fit into every day life, and get you more excited for that special time with your husband inside the bedroom. 

Ready, my friend? Let’s dive in.

Listen to Episode 46:

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Snag your resources here!

If today’s topic is meaningful to you, you’ll also want to check out these earlier podcast episodes that connect with this same topic:

  • Episode 12 // 6 Creative Ideas For Devotional Time With Your Husband to grow spiritual intimacy in your marriage
  • Episode 30 // Deepen your marriage in 5 minutes a day with this simple and fun activity … which is also foundational to a healthy relationship and happy marriage!
  • Episode 41 // Want to strengthen your marriage? Protect, grow, and help your marriage with this counseling activity I use as a marriage therapist.

This podcast episode is all about intimacy outside of the bedroom. But one of the biggest struggles in marriage is the sexual intimacy inside the bedroom. 

  • If this is a struggle in your marriage and you want to enjoy sex with your husband more, check out the online courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire. She’s the “Christian sex lady” and you’ll be glad for her funny, vulnerable, informative look at Christian marital intimacy. 

Another common struggle that limits intimacy in a marriage is ongoing conflict.

[This post may contain affiliate links. If a purchase is made, I may receive a small commission at no extra charge to you.] 

Today's Episode Highlights

I love being a marriage counselor. 

Not only because the marriage relationship is foundational to the family unit (which it is) and not only because of the biblical picture marriage paints of the relationship between Christ and the church (which He does). 

Marriage counseling is fun!

I am passionate about Christian marriages being healthy, holy, and fun. And there is nothing more meaningful in the counseling room than seeing a husband and wife learn how to interact in a healthier and more enjoyable way.

Which definitely includes building intimacy in their marriage. 

So, while you’ll get the most out of listening to the whole episode, let me share my 12 tips for building intimacy in a marriage (outside of the bedroom). 

3 Tips for Physical Intimacy

  1. Use non-sexual touch outside of the bedroom. Hold hands; rub his back; ruffle his hair; press your knees together when you sit next to each other on the couch. 
  2. When your husband talks to you, put down the phone/turn off the technology in front of you, turn your body (or at least your face) toward him, and make eye contact. Every time.
  3. Connect verbally. Laugh together and engage your physical body in a fun, simple way together. Say his name during your conversations, which releases a small dopamine rush and builds that connection you have with each other. 

Episode 25 may help bring these tips to life: Improve your communication skills with these 5 helpful tips to become a great listener

P.S. My go-to resource for building physical intimacy inside the bedroom are the digital courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire

3 Tips for Emotional Intimacy

  1. Find a NEW time or way to say “I love you” every single day. Yes… out loud. To him. Hopefully, while looking each other in the eye and with a slight pause to enjoy the moment. Get creative! 
  2. Keep a running list of things you love about your husband. Things like his character, personality, values, or things he does. Every day, give him a compliment by telling him at least one item. 
  3. Be vulnerable and honest with your husband. If he asks you “what’s wrong,” answer honestly. If he doesn’t ask, find a way to say “I would find it really helpful to talk to you about something I’m struggling with” and then talk. (Start with things outside of the marriage relationship.)

If conflict is a struggle with connecting emotionally, grab a FREE copy of my 10-point Conflict Resolution Checklist

3 Tips for Mental/Intellectual Intimacy

  1. Ask your husband specific questions about things he’s interested in – football, work, etc. Let him teach you about something he enjoys or is passionate about. 
  2. Find a shared hobby: something you only enjoy together. For many couples, this is a favorite TV show that you only watch as a couple. Or you may have a physical activity like hiking or jogging that you enjoy together. 
  3. Have a 5 minute conversation every day about something outside of your family/home life. (Not about the family calendar of a report from the kids’ school.)

Episode 30 may help you fill these 5 minutes with fun and bonding: Deepen your marriage in 5 minutes a day with this simple and fun activity … which is also foundational to a healthy relationship and happy marriage!

3 Tips for Spiritual Intimacy

  1. Pray together daily. You can pray for each other, for your kids, or for other issues. If you’re stuck on getting started, try keeping a running list of things that matter to each of you – big and small – and every day, pray for 1-2 items on the list. 
  2. Worship together. Attend church together as a couple. You may even want to hold hands while you sing the worship songs or while praying.  
  3. Talk about the Bible together. You might share what you are each reading individually, what you are learning through a podcast series or study, or you could read a short passage together and share your observations and insights. 

Episode 12 gives even more ideas for spiritual intimacy: 6 Creative Ideas For Devotional Time With Your Husband to grow spiritual intimacy in your marriage


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A reminder of the Disclaimers & Disclosures Policy: I am an affiliate with many of the resources I recommend, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through my provided links. I never recommend products I don’t love! Also, I am a licensed therapist but this podcast is not therapy. It is not professional or personal advice to your specific situation. Get info about professional counseling here.

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