10 Quick Ways To Stop Your Toddler's Temper Tantrums

A mom of 4 littles (and a licensed family therapist!) shares creative ways for how to stop tantrums so you can enjoy your kids more.

Can I ever stop my toddler’s temper tantrums?

We love the kisses and the snuggles. But the whining? The screaming? The tantrums?

No, thank you.

It’s a normal part of childhood, but it’s not something that has to take over your family life.

There are reasons why our kids have tantrums, and ways to manage them well.

As a family therapist, I help a lot of parents deal with their kids’ struggles. It’s never fun, but you can make some changes that will help!

Today, let’s look at some of the common causes of toddler tantrums. Then I’ll share some ideas for how to stop the tantrums – from my own house, with my own 4 little kids.

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Why is my toddler having temper tantrums?

Let’s be honest – even adults have temper tantrums.

Sure, we handle them better than our kids do… hopefully. But it’s really hard to control your emotions. If we struggle as adults, can we really expect our kids to do better?

There can be a lot of causes for temper tantrums. As a Christian, a mom, and a licensed family therapist, the top 5 causes that I see happening are:

Too much going on (kids get stressed and overwhelmed just like adults)
Physical struggles (we’re tired, hungry, or sick)
Human nature (we all get upset when we aren’t getting our way)
Lack of skills to handle emotions
The family responds in ways that accidentally reinforce the temper tantrum.

There are BIG emotions in life, especially in family relationships. And little kids are still learning about life. They don’t have great coping skills or self-awareness.

Plus, kids don’t have much control over their environment. They are at the mercy of adults around them, and that can be frustrating. They are learning, experimenting, growing… and that can be tough!

How can I stop my toddler’s temper tantrums?

There is nothing more frustrating than listening to your child whine, grumble, and complain. Let alone when they start screaming, kicking, and having an all-out tantrum.

It’s never fun!

But every child has those moments – and we moms need to figure out what to do so those moments don’t take over our family life.

These ideas are not magic wands. But they are quick, easy, free, and don’t require a screen. They can help whether your child is 4 or 14.

Tip 1: Remove stimulation from the environment. (And simplify your child’s days overall.)

We all get stressed out when we are busy and overstimulated. And our kids live in a noisy world.

Without all the skills and experience to handle it well.

Kids need enough sleep, and they need time to play, relax, and not be rushing from thing to thing.

It can look like our kids are super busy all the time from how they play, but as a family therapist I know that playing helps kids process their experiences and learn about the world.

When your child is having a temper tantrum, turn off the noise.

Turn off the television or music. Reduce noise and visual stimulation, or change it to something more soothing and calming.

Overall, you can also help to stop tantrums in the future if you cut back on commitments, extra-curriculars, and the hours your child is out of the home. Let them be a kid. Let them slow down. It will help their little bodies and brains relax, and reduce their sense of overwhelm and temper.

Tip 2: Speak slowly and calmly to tell your child what’s going on.

Sometimes, a tantrum shows us that a child is feeling confused and overwhelmed by what’s going on.

They don’t have the same vocabulary or understanding as grown ups.

So help them.

Talk to them about what’s going on. Describe what you’re doing, if you’re leaving or kneeling down or getting something. Keep your tone calm and your words short, simple, and clear. Don’t blame or yell, just talk.

In the future, you’ll find this helpful to stop tantrums before they start by giving your kids some predictability. Give them a heads up when the activity is changing, like “In five minutes we’ll be getting in the car.” Narrate what is happening, and your child will feel more safe and secure. Less anxiety means a lower temper.

I think this is a helpful part of what Ephesians 6 tells parents to be careful of, when we are told “not to exasperate [our] children.” When we tell them what’s going on, they can feel a part of things and have fewer big emotions to manage.

Tip 3: Use emotion words instead of reacting with emotional behavior.

Having words for our emotions and experiences helps us control our emotions better.

Does your child really know what it means to feel “sad” or “angry”? What about feeling upset, frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed?

In the Bible, James 1 tells us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” It’s a lot easier to live this out if we recognize our feelings and can make sense of them. Teach your kids to do this!

Having an emotional vocabulary makes big feelings less overwhelming and more manageable. You can help them with comments like: “I see you are clenching your fists, you must be feeling really angry right now.”

A few of the most common emotion words that I try to teach kids in the counseling room include: angry, sad, excited, overwhelmed, worried.

Tip 4: Offer an appropriate distraction.

Many adults will handle anger by doing things like counting to ten, taking some deep breaths, or using a coping skill like running or listening to music.

These things are helpful in part because they focus your thoughts and attention on something new – something that is not a part of your feeling angry, sad, or upset.

How can moms distract their kids when they are in a temper tantrum? Here are a few ideas that have worked with my own little kids (but not for all of my friends – sometimes you have to try a few new ideas to find YOUR winner!:

Sit down and start reading a favorite picture book out loud.
Turn on some music and start dancing or singing.
Pick up some dolls, figurines, or puppets and pretend they are talking instead of you.
Start doing jumping jacks or pushups and invite them to join you.
Give them a hug (if they’ll let you) or hold them.
Pull out some crayons and start coloring a picture.
Offer a snack or water.
Take them to a new location, especially if you can get them into nature.

Tip 5: Ignore them and refuse to give in (even if it takes awhile).

One of the biggest reasons kids have temper tantrums regularly is that parents give in and the child begins to learn that acting out is a way to get what they want.

We don’t want to give in, but temper tantrums are so hard!

But when we think about the life lesson our kids learn when we give in to their bad behavior… we need to figure out a way to stand strong.

Don’t beat yourself up about it or start feeling guilty if you’ve been stuck in this pattern. Parenting is HARD! Just start fresh today.

Try ignoring the tantrum and refuse to give them what they want. Having a standard response will help you just stay on repeat.

For example, I am regularly telling my kids: “If you’re whining or yelling, the answer is an automatic no.” I have to repeat it, but they know we don’t give in to their temper tantrum. And it helps me to already know what to say.

A note on discipline… bad behavior does need to be addressed with age-appropriate discipline. This is loving and healthy. But DURING the tantrum can sometimes just make things last longer. See my next tip…

Tip 6: Have a plan (and follow through) for discipline.

Scripture is clear that parents have a responsibility to teach our kids right from wrong.

Proverbs 13 in the NIV tells us “the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Teaching them includes addressing it when they make bad choices or show misbehavior.

You have a lot of options for healthy, age-appropriate discipline. But whatever you land on, the best way to make discipline a healthy part of your family life includes:

Make sure that you and your husband are on the same page. Be united!
Know ahead of time what the rules and expectations are, and what the consequences will be for breaking those rules.
Tell the kids those rules and consequences clearly, while things are calm.
Follow through when you need to. It isn’t fun, but this is the only way your kids will actually learn.
Avoid consequences that require a lot of work or difficulty for you. You’re less likely to follow through!
Giving consequences in the heat-of-the-moment of a temper tantrum might just make things last longer. Stay calm, tell them what to expect, and then ignore or walk away. Perhaps the consequence escalates after a certain period of time. Just tell them ahead of time!

Some common, appropriate examples of discipline might include: removal of a favorite toy/activity, giving a time out, giving extra chores, appropriate spankings, or removal of screen time or another privilege.

Tip 7: Take a break for yourself.

Moms are not known for being good with self care! It’s hard to get a break for ourselves. But when your kids are having temper tantrums, you need a break.

If you can, leave the room during the tantrum. This will help you to ignore it, calm yourself down, and show the child you aren’t giving in.

Of course, make sure your child is safe, and don’t leave them feeling abandoned! I usually tell my kids: “I need a break, I’ll be back when you’re done yelling,” and I don’t go very far.

You also need a break after the tantrum is over. Kids can usually bounce back faster than adults! I feel overwhelmed for awhile after my child’s tantrum, even after the situation has ended and they’ve moved on. It helps then to do something calming and relaxing, even if it’s not a huge chunk of time.

Grab my FREE 51 Self Care Ideas List for some simple, free ideas to try.

Tip 8: Be okay being laughed at, and do something silly to distract them.

Now, I don’t mean that you should allow your children to disrespect you. That is not biblical or healthy! But, part of being a parent is setting aside our own pride and preferences and doing what is best for our children.

And during a temper tantrum, your kids will sometimes need you to do something big, crazy, or unexpected.

They won’t ask for it! But this can help distract them and change the mood of the room.

In our house, I have triplets who are five years old and also have a three year old. There are a lot of emotions! So when they are losing it, I’ll try suddenly dancing around the room, singing a song, picking them up to play airplane, or ripping up a piece of paper in a crazy way. Something that gets out a little energy but in a silly way.

Kids always notice when their parents are being silly. Especially if it is a surprise or it’s unusual for your family! Give it a try.

Tip 9: Manage your own frustrations without making things worse.

In a temper tantrum, emotions have taken over. Your kids do not have much self-control at that moment. But you’re the grown up. You can have self-control, and choose to do something helpful instead of reacting to them.

If your kids see you lose control when they lose control, they will not be learning the lesson you want. Similarly, if they see you giving in to them because you’re just so frustrated, they are more likely to repeat the tantrum, not stop it.

How can we manage our own frustrations when we are annoyed, embarrassed, and angry about our kids’ temper tantrums? Here are a few ideas:

Close your eyes and take some slow deep breaths.
Get out some anger energy with jumping jacks or pushups.
Slow down your speech so you’re less likely to yell.
If you can, take a short break and just ignore their tantrum for a bit.
Review a Bible verse in your head or say a short prayer for help.

Grab my 40-day devotional Keep Your Cool, Mama! to build biblical skills for emotional control.

Tip 10: Give a hug or other physical affection.

When our kids are having a temper tantrum, physical contact can help them to calm down and start controlling their bodies. But we want that physical touch to be affectionate and loving.

They know they are misbehaving. Giving a hug shows them that you still love them and the relationship is still okay.

Some kids will ask for a hug, and others won’t. Some will say they don’t want it. Don’t force it, but try to connect in a physical way that shows love.

Sometimes I’ll tickle my boys or grab them to fly around the room. I’ll make it into a joke to get a big hug even while they moan about it. Or I’ll run my fingers through my girls’ hair when they’re freaking out. Something to show a connection.

I find that it helps too when I’m praying silently for them (and for my reactions!) while I’m trying to connect with them.

Temper tantrums aren’t easy to manage, but they don’t need to control your family!

Sometimes, the hardest part of figuring out how to stop tantrums is actually managing our OWN emotions. Cranky kids makes for a cranky mom. Whining and yelling can feel overwhelming really quickly.

If you’re struggling with your own emotional control, make sure to grab my 40-day devotional Keep Your Cool, Mama! for biblical support and skill-building.

I hope some of these tips will prove helpful for you! May the Lord bless your relationship with your children, and give you the patience and gentleness that blesses even the tantrum moments of motherhood.

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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my links. Read my full disclaimer here.

10 Quick Ways To Stop Your Toddler’s Temper Tantrums