Trying to enjoy a romantic married date night? Steal these great tips from a Christian marriage counselor!
Why bother with a married date night?
Intimacy is usually not a problem while we’re dating and in the newlywed stage.
But then kids come along, we get busy, the bills pile up… what about date nights??!
Having a date night after you’re married won’t save your marriage. But it can make a big difference.
So I want to share some practical ideas today, from my 10+ years as a Christian marriage counselor – about how to have more fun and more marriage intimacy on fabulous dates nights with your man.
Let’s jump in, friend.
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Every couple needs a good date night once in awhile.
Marriage has a lot of ups and downs. But we want intimacy and connection to be on the UP list!
Which means, we need to talk about the good old-fashioned married date night. Hire a sitter if you need to, but get that one-on-one quality time.
There are a lot of reasons why married date nights matter. Let’s just highlight three:
- Conversation… without the kids, without a messy kitchen, without distraction.
- Connection… this is a chance to reconnect and remember what you most enjoy about each other.
- Cuddles (and beyond)… we all know that date nights are a natural time for some marriage intimacy!
Step 1: Get the barriers out of the way, and make date night happen.
First, you need to deal with the roadblocks that get in the way of actually having a marriage date night.
So for our first 6 tips, let’s start there.
1. Resolve conflict, so you can enjoy a date night.
When you’re fighting, you don’t want to deal with date night. No one is feeling romantic. Work through the issues, and make a decision to set it aside so you can have fun together. Grab my free conflict resolution cheat sheet to help.
2. Make room in your busy schedule.
Sometimes, we feel too stressed and busy to make time for date night. So put plans in motion – my best tip is to pay for something today, so you’re motivated to make it happen in the future. Buy tickets to the show. Pre-pay the babysitter. You’ll follow through if money is already on the table.
3. Don't let finances scare you.
Okay, did that last tip scare you? Never put off date night because of finances! There are plenty of FREE, fun options you can try. (There are some specific ideas below.)
4. Work on re-building an emotional connection.
A date night can really help you reconnect. But sometimes, if you’re already feeling disconnected, the effort of a date night can feel like too much. My best marriage counseling tip here: make it an experiment together. Plan 3 date nights this month, and see if you feel more connected after that. Practice communicating and it will build connection. Get my Communicating to Connect devotional to dive into biblical hep here.
5. Keep it simple, so you can find the energy for a date night.
I get it. You’re TIRED. Are moms ever not tired? Research shows that the most unhappy season of marriage is when couples have kids in the home under age 5. So either let your husband do the date night planning, or keep it SIMPLE so you won’t get overwhelmed.
6. Get your mind in the right place to enjoy some... steamy moments.
If you’re just not in the mood to be romantic or enjoy physical intimacy, date night might feel like a drag. Work on that mindset! Daydream. Focus on your favorite qualities in your husband, your marriage, your appearance. My favorite place to find Christ-centered help for this specific issue is with these online courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire.
Step 2: Get in the mood for intimacy
Most of the time, we have as much fun on a date as we allow ourselves to have. So get your head in the game NOW for a steamy date night later!
7. Decide now to be intimate later
Even after a wonderful date, we get home and kick off our shoes and… we’re tired. Sex might feel like the last thing you want to bother with. So decide ahead of time! Knowing what’s coming will let you daydream, plan, and get excited about it.
8. Daydream about your husband.
The morning of your date night (or even before!) take time to daydream about it and get ready. Shave your legs. Pick your outfit. Get excited!
READ NEXT: 9 Hot Tips To Make Sure Your Christian Marriage Intimacy Is Amazing In The Bedroom
9. Flirt with your husband during the day.
Get him excited about the date too! Letting him know that you’re looking forward to things – wink wink – will get him ready to focus on you and your date. Especially for a married date night, don’t forget to flirt and have fun along the way.
10. Do what makes you feel beautiful.
Instead of focusing on the 10 pounds you still want to lose, focus on what makes you feel sexy and beautiful. Pick your favorite outfit. Shave your legs. Try some fun new make-up (or lingerie). Take time during the day to focus on your beauty, and you’ll be more in the mood come date time.
11. Wear lingerie all day.
Okay, okay, It doesn’t have to be lingerie – but wear something sexy during the day. Even if it’s a little uncomfortable, it will remind you all day long of the fun you’re going to have that evening on your married date night. (And it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable.)
12. Create a secret sexy phrase.
Start the ultimate inside joke with a steamy “sex phrase” that only you and your husband know. You can talk about intimacy all day long, even in polite company, and enjoy a special secret together. My favorite that I’ve heard as a marriage counselor is “We need to clean the ceiling fans.”
Step 3: You need some good date night ideas!
Whether you’re prioritizing free outings, easy activities, or super-romantic dates, there are a ton of great ideas for your married date night.
Here are 9 ideas to get your creative juices flowing.
13. Sip wine on the back porch.
Stay home, just change up the space. Hide the dirty clothes, dim the lights, turn on some Barry White. Sit on the back porch instead of your usual evening on the couch.
14. Snuggle on the couch.
Do you want this to be a steamy married date night? You’ll need to touch each other! It can be as simple as snuggling on the couch. Or at least, start there. You can talk, watch a show, or start the steamy time a little early.
15. Play strip “poker” (or another game)
This is easy, free, and totally appropriate when you’re married! Maybe you choose a board game or maybe you watch a documentary and take off a sock every time the director does a close-up shot… and so on.
16. Have a picnic at home... with whipped cream and strawberries.
Light candles, lay out a blanket, and eat strawberries and whipped cream on the floor for an at-home picnic. Include some chocolate dipping sauce for an extra romantic flair.
17. Write each other love notes, and read them out loud.
Write each other steamy love letters and then read them out loud to each other. (You may want to already be behind bedroom doors.)
RELATED: 9 Hot Tips To Make Sure Your Christian Marriage Intimacy Is Amazing In The Bedroom
18. Create memories by trying something new.
This might be a sexy item of clothing, a new restaurant in town, or an activity you’ve never done before. Experiencing something new together creates a special bond and fun memories.
19. Try something exciting
Plan an activity that is exhilarating! Go bungee jumping, axe throwing, attend a football game for his favorite team – anything loud or exciting that gets your adrenaline pumping.
20. Plan a date with his favorite activity, food, drink, or outing.
Since the goal is really about intimacy, not the activity itself, pick an activity that he will enjoy. And often, an activity helps men connect more than sitting down and staring into each other’s eyes… especially once you’re married.
21. Re-create one of your earliest dates
Pick an activity from your early years, and do it again! You could even pull out the photo album and try to re-create the exact scene. Have fun with it.
Step 4: Get things back on track if they're falling apart.
Not every married date night will be spectacular. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get things back on track!
If you find that the activity is boring, your conversation is stuck in a rut, or you just aren’t feeling connected, try these tips.
If conflict and arguing is the problem, pull out my free conflict resolution cheat sheet to help.
22. Take a private pause.
Excuse yourself to the bathroom and take a moment get your mind back on straight. Remind yourself of the positive and encourage yourself. Pray. Touch up your lipstick. Maybe take off your bra and see if he notices. Then get back in there.
23. Be spontaneous and change the plan mid-date.
If you’re needing a change, make a change! Quit plan A and move on to a new idea, activity, conversation, or place. Get creative, silly, or sexy to change up the atmosphere.
24. Increase physical touch.
Change things up by adding more physically intimate touching. Rub his back, hold his hand, trail your finger along his arm. Especially if you tell him that you’re doing this on purpose, the mood will change!
25. Compliment him (without getting upset if he doesn't return the compliment).
Everyone has a good time when they’re hearing compliments. So if the date is starting to feel like a dud, start telling your husband things you love about him. What do you find attractive? How is he wonderful? (And watch yourself – men are not known for picking up on subtle hints, so don’t get angry if he doesn’t stat complimenting you back.)
26. Assume the best about him.
If your husband doesn’t seem as engaged, romantic, attentive, or whatever else you’re hoping for your married date night… please assume the best. Maybe he had a hard day at work. Perhaps he isn’t feeling great. He might have gotten bad news his drive home today.
As a marriage counselor, I know this one is a big one. If your marriage is a little rocky, it’s easy to jump to the worst possible conclusions. But they are rarely true, and never helpful!
Step 5: End your married date night on the right foot
Do you want more date nights?
Yes, I know you’re tired at the end of a busy and long day. Even when you had a lot of fun on your date, and maybe things really did get steamy and intimate, but then the date is over. Right?
Wrong. This date is over, but how you end things will have a big impact on your next date night. End strong! Here are a few ideas.
27. Have sex (even if you're not 100% excited about it).
It’s a classic for a reason! Sometimes, what’s best for your marriage is to be intimate, even if you aren’t completely head-over-heels in the mood for it. Certainly don’t do things you feel uncomfortable or upset about. But investing in physical intimacy is a worthwhile investment in a happy marriage.
28. Talk about what you enjoyed.
During the date, comment on things you are enjoying. After the date, talk about what you liked most. Give compliments and create a positive impression from the date. Don’t fake it, but do focus on the positive.
29. Keep the positivity going.
Want more married date nights? Make him feel like a rock star at this whole thing. Talk at breakfast the next day about what you enjoyed. Let him hear you telling the kids or your girlfriends about a funny things he said, a sweet moment of your date, or something wonderful.
BONUS TIP! 30. Make it as easy as possible to plan the next married date night
Whatever you’re hoping for in the future, start planning it now. Let your husband know a list of ideas you have for future date nights. Continue to flirt, send kiss-emojis, and mention things you look forward to on your next date night. Put it on the calendar with a big red circle. Get excited about it today!
Listen to Episode #178
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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.