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Episode 99 // Let’s figure out the best ways to love YOUR people well: the 5 love languages, creativity, and a reality check for the busy Christian mom

What are we talking about today?

There are so many ways to show your people that you love them, yet we sometimes feel like we are spinning our wheels in our relationships!

We need creative ideas for how to show our family that we love them, and realistic ways to make that happen.

In today’s episode, we’ll explore Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages ideas, dive into some practical examples for family life, and brainstorm creative ways to love your people well in real life.

Ready? Let’s dive in.

Listen to Episode 99:

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If today’s topic is meaningful to you, these resources will give some additional support:

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Today's Episode Highlights

You may have heard of the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. But have you really explored how these “love languages” can impact your family? Your people?

Let’s take a look at what these love languages are… and how to get creative and realistic about using them to love YOUR people well.

The Five Love Languages

The idea behind the five love languages is that we each have a preferred way of receiving and experiencing love. 

Based on our personalities and preferences, we may find any one of the 5 love languages most meaningful:

  • physical touch
  • quality time
  • words of affirmation
  • acts of service
  • gifts

While everyone wants and enjoys all five of these types of connection, we tend to have one or two that are most powerful for us. 

These are the best ways to connect with your unique individual people and to show them how important they are to you

Some Practical Examples

Let’s look at an example: your husband comes home at the end of a really hard day at work. Based on HIS love language (not yours!) you might…

  • physical touch – you rub his back when he gets home and snuggle together on the couch to watch a show
  • quality time – you make a pot of decaf coffee to sit down together and talk about his day
  • words of affirmation – you tell him how thankful you are for his hard work and how much you respect his great work ethic
  • acts of service – you take care of trash duty, which is usually his evening chore
  • gifts – you make brownies to give him because it’s his favorite

What about with your kids? Let’s imagine you’re trying to love your daughter well with a special Saturday treat. Based on HER love language (again, not yours!) you might…

  • physical touch – give her a hug as you start your day together
  • quality time – spend the day with her!
  • words of affirmation – write her a note telling her what you love about her
  • acts of service – wash her car for her
  • gifts – take her on a shopping trip

Creative and Real-Life Love Languages

Beyond simply understanding the five love languages, we have to make them actually work for us. 

First, try to understand your loved ones’ languages. This free quiz from Dr. Gary Chapman might help. But also, pay attention to how THEY are trying to show you love. This probably means it is important to them!

Make sure you aren’t just offering your people what you are hoping they will do for you. Try to focus on what will be most meaningful to them. 

And a few more take-aways may help:

  • We all need all of the love languages, so don’t get too obsessed with finding the “right” one.
  • They all matter, all the time. Don’t ignore some because you’re focused on another, but don’t think you need to do every love language all the time.
  • Get creative! Gifts don’t have to cost money. Acts of service don’t have to be doing chores for someone. Ultimately, it’s the principle behind the language that matters: thinking of someone and showing them in a tangible way (gifts), or doing something special that someone else will appreciate (service).
  • Don’t stress yourself out trying to do the “perfect” thing in the “perfect” way – just focus on being present and trying to show your people that you love them in a variety of ways. It’s not about an event, it’s about the person.
  • Every season of life is different, and your “love language” and your connection might look different too! Moms of young kids might be “touched out” and temporarily not value physical touch as much as they once did with their husband. Someone feeling really run down at work or school, being bullied or under-appreciated or criticized, might really need some extra words of affirmation even if that isn’t their usual love language
  • Are you struggling to remember and follow through on your loved one’s love language? Jot down a reminder for yourself! A note in your planner. A reminder to pop up on your phone. Don’t let forgetfulness derail your plans.

Want more encouragement on this topic?

Check out these other episodes for more biblical encouragement and practical tips on this topic:

  • Episode 48 // Want more quality time with your kids? Here are my 5 secret weapons to finding those great bonding moments.
  • Episode 58 // 9 lessons from Jesus’ life about how we can (and should!) love our people well in the modern world

And don’t forget to grab a resource or two that will help you LOVE Christian family life!

Friday Faith Follow-up

The world tells us a lot about love… but what does God say? What are the biblical principles for loving our family, showing them how we care about them, and building these relationships. In this follow-up episode, let’s  dive into God’s Word to find his wisdom and practical ideas for showing our people we love them.

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Hugs & blessings to you, my friend! I’ll talk to you soon.

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A reminder of the Disclaimers & Disclosures Policy: I am an affiliate with many of the resources I recommend, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through my provided links. I never recommend products I don’t love! Also, I am a licensed therapist but this podcast is not therapy. It is not professional or personal advice to your specific situation. Get info about professional counseling here.