Try a marriage therapist’s fun tips for building intimacy and connection with these Love Map questions in just 5 minutes a day.
Love Map questions help you build marriage intimacy
How well do you REALLY know your spouse?
This question is central to your marriage.
In fact, it’s one of the keys to a healthy and happy marriage! If you don’t know each other deeply, you cannot have the intimacy and connection that you long for.
As a Christian marriage counselor, there is a simple activity that I recommend to almost every couple that walks through my door.
It’s called the Love Maps Questions. Want to learn it? Let’s jump in!
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What is a Love Map?
Some of the most famous and influential marriage therapy researchers are Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They run The Gottman Institute and have done of ton of research on happy vs. unhappy marriages.
And one of their main foundations for a happy marriage is having strong Love Maps of each other.
A “Love Map” is basically a map of the person you love.
Do you know the basic information about their life? About their preferences, struggles, thoughts, and values?
The reality of life is that we’re all busy. And while a marriage may start with months or years spent getting to know each other well, once family life gets busier and busier, it’s easy for that deep knowledge to start to fade.
People change. You might have known your husband inside and out when you got married. But what about the man he is today? And the woman you are today?
A happy, healthy, and holy marriage will build and maintain a strong Love Map throughout life.
And guess what? Building a good Love Map can happen with just a few simple questions regularly discussed.
Just give it a few minutes every day, and you’ll build your Love Map – and build intimacy and connection in your marriage!
Let’s look at a few ideas for HOW to do this and WHAT Love Map questions sound like.
An easy, fun Love Map questions activity
The Love Map questions are basic, easy, and fun. They don’t need to take a ton of time each day, but over time they will build a deep connection and knowledge in your marriage!
These include some classic get-to-know-you questions, but can also go deeper to talk about dreams, values, fears, priorities, and beliefs. There I no limit to deepening your Love Map of each other!
Here is one of my favorite activities to recommend to couples:
ACTIVITY: Spend 5 minutes a day sitting together and ask each other at least 1 question from this Love Map questions list.
Let’s break it down.
Every healthy marriage can find 5 minutes a day for husband and wife to be together. Sure, if there is some travel or sickness, you’ll miss some days. But generally, 5 minutes a day should be very realistic.
During that time, sit down together. No technology allowed. Minimize distractions the best you can. Be together, be physically close, and make eye contact.
Now that you’re together, ask each other a Love Map question. It doesn’t need to be long or complicated. Some days, you might get to talk longer – awesome! Some days it will be quick – okay!
Here are some of my favorite Love Map questions.
My favorite Love Map questions
Since the Love Maps idea isn’t my own (remember, it’s the Gottmans’ creation!), I won’t include their full list of Love Map Questions. You can find their own blogpost about it here. In fact, I’ve heard they have an app that some of my clients really like!
But I’ve been a marriage counselor for 15+ years – so I want to share my favorite Love Map questions! Let’s go for 15… two full weeks of this quick daily activity (plus one for extra fun).
- Who is your best friend?
- What exciting thing happened today?
- How did you decide on your career?
- What is one of your hobbies?
- Who or what is stressing you out lately?
- What is your favorite breakfast food?
- What is one of your greatest fears?
- What is a deeply held value that guide your daily decisions?
- How would you like to spend a lazy Saturday?
- What is your dream job?
- What is your dream vacation?
- When have you been really disappointed in life?
- What did you do today (in detail)?
- What is your favorite comfort food?
- Who is someone you dislike?
And as a Christian marriage therapist, I always add in some spiritual, faith-focused questions! Here are 5 to add in:
- When did you first start believing in God?
- What is a question you have about the Bible?
- What are you learning in your Bible time or at church lately?
- How can I be praying for you?
- When have you felt really close to God?
Building communication even deeper than Love Map questions
Of course, a happy, healthy, and holy marriage will have deeper communication than just a Love Map.
The Love Map questions are a GREAT starting point for building a friendship.
But in marriage, you also need physical intimacy. You need regular time together, including date nights. Managing conflict without disconnecting is a must (and this free cheat sheet will help).
All of these areas will influence your connection and intimacy as a couple. And the best place to look for help, hope, wisdom, and growth is the Bible.
To go deeper in your marriage communication, you need to go deeper into God’s Word. He is the best source of wisdom, help, and hope for every marriage!
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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my links. Read my full disclaimer here.