10 Helpful Tips When Your Teen Has Anxiety And Depression

Tips and encouragement from a Christian family therapist for when your child, teen, or young adult has anxiety or depression.

Help! My teen has anxiety and depression

There aren’t many things in life more painful than watching our kids struggle.

Whether they are toddlers, teens, young adults, or they’ve become parents themselves… their pain is our pain.

When they are struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems, we can quickly feel helpless and overwhelmed. Is there anything we can do to help? What can we try?

With 15+ years as a Christian family therapist, I’ve seen the pain parents go through. In fact, I’ve experienced it in my own family, with my own loved ones.

And thankfully, there are practical, helpful things we can do for our teens (and other loved ones) struggling with anxiety and depression.

No one has a magic wand that will solve every problem – but you can make a difference. You can help.

Today, I want to share 10 practical action steps that you can try to move forward. To help your struggling teen or loved one, and to find your own encouragement and support in the process.

Let’s dive in.

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Is my teen the only one struggling with anxiety and depression?

Sadly, these mental health struggles are VERY common in our world today. This is especially true for young people, and it can be very overwhelming for parents and caregivers.

It is also very common to feel alone in these struggles.

Your child probably feels alone in their struggle, and you do too. While it is true that every person is different, there are some shared struggles – and also some tried and true strategies to help all of us.

As you struggle, lean on the Lord. You are weak, you are weary, and his rest is the comfort and strength that you need (see Matthew 11).

Mental health struggles are a hard season of motherhood. But you are not alone, and the Lord is still with you bringing comfort, peace, joy, and hope.

GO DEEPER: Grab this 40-day devotional on finding biblical hope in hard seasons of motherhood.

10 action steps you can use to help your teen

We don’t all experience the same things when we’re dealing with anxiety, depression, stress, or other emotional struggles. Every person is different and every relationship is different.

So you might try these action steps in different ways or alter them to make them realistic for your family. That’s okay! These tips are not a rule-book or a doctor’s prescription.

They are suggestions that have helped thousands of other families, and that I hope and pray can help you to.

These are tips meant to calm your own anxiety, bring encouragement to your own struggle, and give you some practical things to do to help your loved one.

(1) Be patient and calm in the face of hard moments.

It will never be easy to watch your child struggle. And you certainly do not need to condone or affirm every bad decision they might make or the behaviors that worry you.

Staying patient and calm creates an open door for your child to talk to you. To come to you when they struggle. They won’t have to worry about scaring mom, overwhelming dad, or being yelled at for their struggles.

One of the most helpful things about counseling is the experience of talking to someone who is calm, nonjudgmental, and patient. Someone who doesn’t give a big reaction to everything you say.

You are not your teen’s therapist, but you can create a similar environment by watching your own reaction to what they tell you or what you see happening.

(2) Increase quality time and emotional encouragement.

With anxiety and depression, your teen probably does not feel in-control of themselves or really understand what they are experiencing.

You might feel the same, like you have no control and don’t understand what’s going on!

But you can still be the grown up.

You can still be the steady rock your child can turn to for a hug, a check-in, or a caring shoulder to cry on.

Because there is naturally more stress, worry, and possibly more conflict and consequences occurring during seasons of anxiety and depression, make an effort to lean into the opposite. Give more quality time. More quiet togetherness. More fun activities.

What might it look like to offer emotional encouragement to your struggling teen?

Be available. If they want to talk, let them interrupt your plans and talk with them or do an activity together.
Check in with them, without pressuring them to tell you every detail of their life. Let them know you are available.
Stay gentle and calm in your tone of voice and words.
Don’t assume they will be ready to talk when you want them to talk.
Plan some extra activities together that you think they will enjoy.
Offer more hugs, more back rubs, more physical affection. (Yes, still respect their boundaries and if they pull away, that is okay!)
Give words of affirmation without expecting a response. Tell them you love them, compliment them, and share positive things about them.

(3) Provide practical or logistical help when they need it.

When your teen (or other loved one) is struggling with anxiety or depression, they might have a genuinely hard time doing basic tasks of life.

They might struggle to do the laundry. To cook meals. To keep their hygiene up. To clean their room.

Of course, some of that is normal teenage-hood! But you know when your child is struggling.

This might be the time to make their favorite meal for dinner, offer to do their laundry or give them a ride to an appointment. Sit with them while they do their homework.

The specific help they need will depend on their life. It doesn’t help to start doing everything for them, but if you can step in for specific needs during a big struggle, that can be helpful in a very practical way.

(4) Talk about emotions and build their emotional vocabulary.

With technology, phones, and social media, teens today are not known for understanding emotions and social relationships very well.

This is where your conversations with your teen can be very helpful. Do you talk about emotions? Can you name what you feel and manage it appropriately?

Putting words to our struggles can take away the power and the overwhelm of those emotions. They start to feel more manageable. We start to understand ourselves better.

If you struggle with this also, you can tell your child that you struggle. Find a “feelings wheel” online or even look through emojis on your phone to put words to the faces.

Open the door to conversation, and be realistic that hard emotions are a normal part of life.

(5) Offer advice... in moderation and in love.

Giving advice to a teen struggling with anxiety and depression can be tricky.

It’s true that many parents feel like their teens don’t want their advice. As they get older, that dynamic changes. We are less “in control.” Parent shift toward helping and guiding instead of deciding and demanding.

But it’s also true that mental health struggles can overwhelm our children, and they are not likely to make the best decisions when they are emotional, overwhelmed, and handling it on their own.

Some tips for offering advice to your child as they struggle with anxiety and depression:

It may be helpful to ask permission before giving advice. “May I offer a suggestion?”
Don’t give too much advice all at once. They can probably only handle a little at a time.
Watch your tone of voice and body language when you give advice. Are you lecturing? Do you sound judgmental? Remember, they are struggling and might not interpret what you’re saying in the best light.
Sometimes, it will be best to bite your tongue. Not to avoid truth or to be people-pleasing, but because a hug or a listening ear might be what they need instead.

(6) Be ready for bad behavior, and ready to extend grace.

No parent wants to deal with risky or bad behavior from our kids.

It’s hard enough when they are simply making bad decisions. But anxiety and depression can make emotional control really difficult, and bad behavior will likely come along for the ride.

What are some common bad behaviors that might come along with mental health struggles?

Moodiness, along with anger and impatience.
Risky behavior like trying drugs, sexualized behavior, fast driving, or risk of self harm and suicide.
Scary comments, like talking about suicide, racial slurs, or other harsh statements.
Cursing, name-calling, blaming, and bad language.
Disobedience to household rules, chores, or expectations.

Part of parenting is giving appropriate discipline to our kids. When mental health struggles are present, this can be extra difficult.

Make sure you are praying and asking the Lord for wisdom. Remember that Christians are called to “Forgive, as the Lord has forgiven you.” (Colossians 3:13)

Although consequences, limits, and boundaries will be necessary, your teen also needs extra support, love, and encouragement during their struggles.

Consider adding some of these responses to your parenting repertoire:

Join them for “time out” or “grounding” consequences, to do something together instead of sending them to isolate.
Check in and talk with them before giving consequences, to help everyone calm down first and understand what’s going on.
Talk through limits, boundaries, rules, and consequences ahead of time, when everyone is calm and behavior is fine.
Prep some standard response phrases to common misbehavior, so you don’t have to think about it in the moment and it can sink in their head more. “That is dangerous, we are done now” might be a simple response to many situations.

Make sure you have your own self-care plan, support system, and spiritual habits to sustain YOU during this hard season!

(7) Plan ahead for hard conversations.

When we are stressed and overwhelmed, it is normal to go to extremes in how we react to things.

We might be tempted to avoid, push it under the rug, and pretend nothing is happening. This is not helpful.

Or, we might be tempted to get louder. Get more strict. Be harsher. This is not helpful.

Everyone needs different things when they are struggling. Try to give your teen what THEY need during this season.

Would a lecture help more than a hug? Would a fun outing help more than another time-out?

Don’t rely on what you would prefer or feel comfortable with doing to help. Try to figure out what would help them the most, and do that.

When a consequence is needed, or a hard conversation, or even just some old-fashioned questioning or lecturing – it will help you to plan ahead.

List out your thoughts, questions, and priorities. This will help you to stay on track and avoid unhelpful lectures or emotional reactions.

This will also help you to be prepared for an opportunity that may arise, if your teen comes to you with a question or concern.

Don’t rely on your emotional response in the heat of the moment. Think ahead. Plan and prepare.

And of course – PRAY.

(8) Pray. Pray often, for them and for yourself. Pray out loud and in silence, with them and for them. Pray Scripture.

You’re probably already doing this. We all tend to pray more when we are upset, worried, and we need something from God.

But prayer is a lifeline for the Christian. God is real, He is listening, He cares, and He is all-powerful.

He will respond to his people.

When we feel overwhelmed and helpless to help our kids, we can also feel stuck in what to pray for. We are so desperate, we might say the same things to God again and again. We might give up on prayer, because we don’t see anything changing.

Here are some helpful Scriptures to encourage you in prayer during this hard season:

Romans 8:26-27 “… the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
1 John 5:14-15 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”
Psalm 86:15-16 “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and have mercy on me; show your strength in behalf of your servant.”
Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

(9) Help your teen spend less time on screens, social media, and technology.

There is plenty of research today that shows the negative impact social media has on teens’ mental health. (Actually, that’s true for all of us.)

Teens and young people are not likely to offer up their technology. They will probably push back, yell, threaten, cry, or act out in other ways if you threaten to take away their screen time.

Do it anyway.

When our kids are struggling, we have to step up. We have to do hard things. These are not the easy moments of parenting or the warm-fuzzies that we enjoy.

These are the real-life parenting decisions that can shape our kids’ futures.

If your loved one is struggling with anxiety, depression, stress, or other mental health struggles, try to help them reduce their screen time, especially for social media.

This is harder as our kids get older, especially if we are worried about a loved one who is already an adult and living on their own. We are not usually in a position to set rules or boundaries about their own technology use.

But still, you can bring up these awkward conversations. You can ask about their screen time or check in with them about how they are using social media. This might be a time for a hard conversation, and they might not like everything you say or do what you’re asking… but you will have tried.

Planting a seed of hope is better than wishing and longing for change to happen on its own.

(10) Notice what is GOOD in your child’s life and spotlight it.

Anxiety and depression are not exactly feel-good emotions. They warp our thinking and our perspective.

Your child is not thinking very positively about themselves, if they are struggling with anxiety and depression.

You probably are not filled with positive, encouraging thoughts about the situation either! Mental health struggles are hard, they are painful, and they are not good.

But God is still good, and good is still happening in your family.

The more you can focus your thoughts there and pay attention to the good, the more that will begin to influence your family. It will influence your own heart and mind, and when you speak it with your child it will influence them too.

What might be some good things you can notice and spotlight?

Can they get up in the morning and do the basic tasks of their day? If they are still able to go to school or work, go to sports or activities, and get things done, that is good news.
Where are they talented? Maybe it’s art, fashion, music, STEM activities, or something else. It might not feel important to you personally, but compliment their successes.
What are they passionate about? Talk about that, compliment it, ask about it.
How is their spiritual life? Their friend life? Their engagement with family or schoolmates? These are places for meaningful conversation.

There is hope for our loved ones dealing with anxiety and depression.

None of these tips are magic wands that will make everything better. Some might feel more realistic for your pre-teens, others for teens, others for young adults.

You know your child’s personality, their strengths and struggles, and that is the best starting point for taking action to help them.

These 10 action steps not only give you a way to step forward in helping your teen or loved one – they also will help you as you struggle to watch them struggle.

Anxiety and depression are not easy to manage, especially when it’s in our homes and impacting the people we love the most.

If you’re looking for further resources, here are a few suggestions from my resources library:

Grab my free Bible study on depression.
Use my free Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet if conflict is a problem in your home.
Try the worksheets in my free e-book Building Your Mom Toolbox to make some action plans for your family.
Find healing and comfort from the Lord with my 40-day devotional Joy In The Journey: Finding Biblical Joy In The Hard Seasons Of Motherhood.

May the Lord bring you peace, friend, as you work through helping your teen with anxiety and depression.

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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.