Having more fun in marriage can boost your marriage intimacy, so try these tips from a Christian marriage counselor and happily married pastor’s wife.
Do you have fun in marriage together?
I hope the answer is an all-capital-letters YES!
But most of us have seasons where that’s not quite true. Where our marriage feels dry or out-of-step. Lacking intimacy.
Our goal today is to get things back on track, and have more fun… especially with marriage intimacy!
Scroll down for some of my favorite tips as a marriage counselor.
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Having fun in marriage matters
If you’ve been married for awhile, you might feel like you’re past the “having fun” part of it all.
Not at all, friend!
The reality is, having fun in marriage does matter. It makes you a happier person, it reflects the goodness of God to a broken world, and it shows your kids what a happy marriage looks like.
The normal days don’t need to feel like a big trip to Disney World to still be fun, meaningful, and intimate.
3 areas where you want to have fun in your marriage
Marriage can start to revolve around managing the kids, paying the bills, handling chores… and while you can make those things more fun, that’s not the first place to start!
We’ll look at some ways to have more fun in 3 core areas of your marriage:
- In the bedroom: yes, you want to enjoy physical intimacy with your husband!
- In conversation: what are you talking about and doing together? Let’s boost the fun level.
- In your own mind: your thought life is impacting your happiness in marriage more than you might realize. So let’s make it great.
Let’s take a look at some of my favorite Christian marriage counseling tips to help you have more FUN in these 3 marriage areas.
1. Tips for having fun... in the bedroom.
We won’t get into the weeds here, since I have entire blogposts around marriage intimacy. But if you aren’t having much fun in the bedroom, we want to change that.
Try 5 quick things to help you start having more fun in the bedroom:
- Recreate your favorite intimacy moments from early in your marriage. Maybe that’s a fun trip or a position you haven’t tried in a long time.
- Wear something that makes you feel sexy. Odds are, your husband will agree with you no matter what. If you feel good about how you look, you’ll have more fun.
- Be physically intimate even outside of the bedroom. Kiss in the kitchen. Hold hands in the car. Rub each other’s shoulders in the living room. Don’t wait until you’re in the bedroom to start touching.
- Add massage, oils, or silky sheets to your bedtime routine. Things that physically feel good will help you enjoy the time.
- Grab a Christian book or online resource that will offer new suggestions to try. I always recommend Sheila Wray Gregoire’s online courses. Her book is a great resource too.
JUMP RIGHT IN: Boost marriage intimacy with my go-to online courses from the “Christian sex lady”
2. Tips for having fun... in conversation
Every couple has more fun if they have shared hobbies, regular date nights, and meaningful conversations.
Sometimes, this can feel hopeless… like, if he doesn’t make a change, your change doesn’t matter. But take it from a licensed marriage therapist… that is not the case! YOU can make your marriage a lot more fun.
Try a few tips for having more fun in conversations and activities:
- Say nice things even when you’re feeling grumpy or frustrated. If you think something nice, say it!
- Do nice things that you know he likes (even if he isn’t making the same effort) – you’ll honor God, and his smile will calm the mood.
- Try doing a marriage interview with John Gottman’s famous “love maps questions” and ask each other simple (and silly) questions.
- Plan date nights and if you want, add some challenges – a 100% free date night, or an activity neither have you have ever done before… here are 29 steamy ideas to get you started.
- Make a list of things of things you love about him, and then read the list! It’s okay if they’re old events or it feels silly… it will make you both feel good in the end.
3. Tips for having fun... in your own mind.
Your thought life is powerful! And it has a LOT of impact on if you are… or aren’t… having fun in your marriage.
- Are you expecting the best… or waiting to be disappointed again?
- Is conflict a source of stress in your marriage?
- Do you struggle with body image issues?
- Are you struggling to be vulnerable, honest, and trust your husband?
As a marriage counselor, I spend a lot of time helping people change their mindset. It might not feel natural at first, because it’s a skill that you can practice!
To get started, try out these tips:
- Daydream about your husband during the day, so you’re looking forward to intimacy together at night.
- When you’re grumbling in your head or out loud, notice something wonderful about your husband instead.
- Notice your negative self-talk about your body or your marriage, and take it captive to Christ. Give thanks for your body, your children (who probably changed it), your husband, and so much more.
GET HELP with your intimacy mindset from Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Boost Your Libido course.
Your marriage impacts your kids and your faith
The world looks at Christians and often think that our lives are all about rules. All about ignoring the things we really want or enjoy.
But that isn’t true at all – or at least, it shouldn’t be true!
Not only do you want your marriage to be meaningful, fun, and intimate – others want that too. God wants your marital happiness. Your kids are blessed to see a happy and healthy Christian marriage.
Let’s honor that – and enjoy having more fun along the way.
Having fun in marriage is possible, and worth it
One of the things that I remind couples of, as a marriage counselor, is that they are more likely to enjoy intimacy together if they are practicing it.
At the end of the day, there’s no magic wand. No simple 4-step process that guarantees a happy marriage.
When you’re struggling in your marriage, where do you turn?
Turn to prayer. Add some date nights to the schedule. Start an important (yes, maybe awkward) conversation. And seek out resources to help. When it comes to intimacy, my go-to recommendation is the “Christian sex lady” online courses from Sheila Wray Gregoire.
Don’t wait to start having more fun in your marriage! Your marriage is worth the time and effort to enjoy it more.
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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.