More time together means more time for family conflict and stress. Use these 7 tips to protect your Christian family holidays!
A holiday without family conflict and stress
The holidays can be a wonderful time for family bonding. But anytime that the family has a little extra time together, there is also more time for drama, conflict, and bickering.
But you can be ready for it!
Today, I want to share a few ideas for how you can help your family stop the bickering and focus more on bonding. Let’s make this a holiday season where you can enjoy each other without family conflict and stress.
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Understanding your own family conflict
Every family enjoys different traditions, memories, and holiday priorities.
And no family is prioritizing bickering. It’s unpleasant – and it dishonors the Lord! You don’t need to open your Bible to know that conflict and arguments are unhelpful. (But you can… look at Ephesians 4:29!)
Treating each other badly is never good or helpful. It’s stressful! And just worrying about it happening brings up more stress in us.
As you consider how to stop the family conflict and stress this year, think about what it really looks like for YOUR family.
- Is it words?
- Attitudes?
- Lack of boundaries?
Knowing your own family struggles will help you find the best strategy to STOP the conflict and stress this year.
Avoiding the bad and prioritizing the good
Not only are we called to avoid these bad comments, we are also called to forgive each other and prioritize reconciliation when there has been a wound in a relationship.
In Matthew 5, Jesus tells us: “
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
We might want to prioritize presents, Christmas traditions, and keep our plans on track during the holidays. But it is actually a much higher calling to build strong relationships with each other during the holidays. It is worth re-focusing onto healing, forgiveness, reconciliation, and re-connection.
There are two related pieces here. First, we can try to avoid the family conflict, stress, and bickering. But also, we want to boost our family bonding time.
Let’s look at 3 tips in each category – plus, the absolute #1 thing that will help you avoid the conflict AND boost the bonding.
3 tips to help avoid family conflict and stress this year
Before we look at how to boost family bonding during the holidays, let’s take a look at how to avoid the bickering that you might be worrying about.
- Plan ahead for the hot spots.
When are your kids most likely to bicker? What uncomfortable topics does Uncle Bob always bring up? Plan today – how can you avoid these or have a plan for handling it smoothly.
- Keep your expectations realistic.
Label your priorities for this holiday season or special family event. And then, consider what you actually expect. I have 4 little kids… and I expect some family photos, but I definitely do NOT expect everyone to be smiling and looking at the camera! And that’s okay. Be realistic.
- Get more 1:1 time.
Everyone needs attention, and everyone feels better when they get it. We often bicker and argue when we feel ignored or left out. Your kids, your spouse – even if it’s a quick hug or check-in, get that time together!
3 tips to help boost family bonding this year
Hopefully, you can avoid some family conflict and stress. But regardless, you can definitely take action to BOOST family bonding and fun!
- Focus on listening more than talking.
Not only will people feel better when they are noticed and heard, but this will also help build family connections. Ask questions. Get to know each other. Learn about each other and enjoy time together.
- Talk about the good stuff.
Focus conversation on gratitude, compliments, and connecting people. Highlight nice things that the kids are doing for each other. Praise them for sharing or playing well together or helping clean something up without being asked. Notice the good, comment on it, focus on it – make the good stuff the center of attention, and you’ll get more of it.
- Don’t let people get away with bickering!
When there is bickering – stop it. When there is family conflict – interrupt it. As we see in Matthew 5, leave your gift on the altar and focus on reconciliation. Might you burn the gravy because you’re helping your kids deal with a character issue? Yes. So what? The relationship is top priority.
Prayer is the #1 thing to help you avoid family conflict and stress this year
It’s not a trick. Prayer can feel like nothing is happening… but that is completely untrue! God is always listening. He delights to listen to the prayers of his people and to act on their behalf.
- Worried about family conflict? Pray about it.
- Stressed about the holidays? Pray over them.
- Feeling guilty for some bad interactions? Pray for forgiveness.
- Wanting a more meaningful Christmas? Grab a family devotional… and PRAY about it!
Ask God for the things you need and the things that worry you. He is listening. And as Philippians 4:7 tells us, He can give peace that is beyond our understanding.
Listen to Episode #215
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Disclaimers: I am a licensed therapist but my podcast, blog, and resources are not professional or personal advice. I am an affiliate for many of the resources that I link to, and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my link. Read my full disclaimer here.
