What are we talking about today?
Our words are powerful. They can be used for good, bringing healing and encouragement into our family life. But we all know that insults, complaints, and gossip can slip off our tongue far too easily.
Today, we are looking at Ephesians 4 to explore how our words can HELP or HURT our loved ones.
If you want a healthy marriage and happy children, listen in, friend!
Listen to Episode 40:
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Snag your resources here!
If today’s topic is meaningful to you, you’ll also want to check out these earlier podcast episodes that connect with this same topic:
- Episode 16 // This simple change in your communication will improve your marriage, your parenting… actually, every relationship you have!
- Episode 19 // Start resolving conflict in your marriage TODAY by managing difficult conversations with less stress and more peace
- Episode 39 // Take your thoughts captive to Christ.. but how?! Let’s build our intimacy with God and strengthen our own mental health by practicing 4 key steps to controlling our thought life.
Let me also offer a FREE resource that I know will be helpful!
- Grab a copy of my FREE Conflict Resolution Checklist.
- Sign up for my FREE 5-day email course: 5 Tools Every Busy Mom Needs to Move Her Family From Autopilot to Intimacy. If you’re feeling stuck in a rut with your family, this free course will help you reconnect and refresh those relationships. (In less than 10 minutes a day for the course!)
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Today's Episode Highlights
Okay. First things first: if you didn’t listen to the last episode yet, pause right here and go listen to episode 39. Because when we talk today about our WORDS, it’s really helpful to already understand the power of our THOUGHTS!
You see, our words are powerful. And they flow directly from our thought life. If we cannot take our thoughts captive to Christ, we will struggle to use our words well in our relationships.
(That’s what Episode 39 is all about: taking our thoughts captive to Christ.)
Today, we are digging into Ephesians 4:29-32. We will let God’s Word lead us in how we use our words.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:29-32)
These words of Scripture were very powerful in my early Christian walk, and they continue to be powerful today in every counseling session I lead.
Our words are powerful. Let’s look at how we can use them well.
Avoiding unwholesome talk
This is probably the most common area that we think about when we are trying to be intentional about our words. We want to avoid using our words for cruelty or “unwholesomeness.”
What might some examples look like in your family life or friendships?
- insults or name calling
- gossiping about or criticizing your spouse, child, etc.
- emphasizing your loved ones’ areas of insecurity, sometimes in an effort to be “helpful” – for example, if your daughter is insecure about her weight, and you frequently talk about how she’ll like herself better if she ate more vegetables, this is probably pressing on her insecurity rather than helping her.
Speak what is helpful for building others up according to their needs
Personally, I find this to be the most powerful part of the passage we’re looking at today.
It is one thing to avoid negative or hurtful words. But we also want to protect our tongue and try to only speak what is actually helpful!
There are two big examples here for everyday family life:
- give compliments… the more specific to your person and their unique personality or talents, the better!
- stay in-tune during a conversation, to avoid the temptation to add a comment that would actually redirect the conversation.
This second point is not necessarily leading the conversation in a negative or “unwholesome” direction. It is often a neutral comment. Someone’s story reminds us of another story, and we want to share it as an encouragement (not a gossip). Or my husband telling me about his day sparks my memory that we need to get a car oil change, and I don’t want to forget to tell him.
Are these “bad” words? No.
But if they re-direct an encouraging or helpful conversation before it has finished… they are also not helpful words in that moment.
Get rid of... and instead, Be...
This passage in Ephesians closes with a verse focusing on what we should “get rid of” and a verse focusing on what we should “be” instead.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4)
These speak to the heart issues behind our words.
Is my heart filled with bitterness and anger? My words will be also, no matter how hard I try to bite my tongue.
Or, is my heart filled with gratitude to God, and the kindness and compassion that flows from the gospel? Now my words will flow from kindness and compassion. Now I can forgive. Now I can use my words to build others up.
Our words are powerful. If you are struggling with your words, make sure to pray and address the heart issues behind your words.
And let me know, friend. How are words impacting your marriage? Your children? Your friendships? Pop into our free Facebook Group and let us encourage each other and pray together!
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A reminder of the Disclaimers & Disclosures Policy: I am an affiliate with many of the resources I recommend, which means I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through my provided links. I never recommend products I don’t love! Also, I am a licensed therapist but this podcast is not therapy. It is not professional or personal advice to your specific situation. Get info about professional counseling here.
